If Nothing Is True
by MyToxicValentine
Summary: Now that Edward and Bella have both found love, it's about to be viciously taken away from them. A story of love, heart break, sickness and the true bond of how strongly two people can feel about each other...even when they know it won't last. EXB
1. Forgive Me I'm Trying to Find My Calling

*Authors Note*

This story will be very sad. It's going to be the saddest thing I've ever written. Keep tissues at hand. It will not end on the happiest note, just fair deal. I hope you enjoy it though, hope you continue to stick with me on this journey. It will be short, 20 chapters max. The pictures of Edward and Bella are up on my profile.

* * *

**Ch. 1**

**Forgive Me I'm Trying to Find My Calling, I'm Calling at Night**

Cold to the touch. Weak. Unhappy. These are ways to describe the way Bella Swan feels every day she wakes up and gets out of bed. Each morning could be her last. Every second, of every minute, of every hour of every day. She cannot take any of it for granted. She has to be thankful even when she knows any moment is her last on this earth. She has to be thankful because God has blessed her to live this long. She wasn't mean to live as long as she has. It was supposed to be under control until one day it spread like a wild fire, affecting her terminally, her death sentence had been given to her at the tender age of just twenty. She has leukemia. Terminal leukemia, months to live. She made a bucket list when she was diagnosed.

_ 1. Go sky diving Check._  
_ 2. Travel the world. Check._  
_ 3. Fall in love. Unchecked. _

Bella is simply waiting for that to happen. She's always wanted to experience love before. With a partner. With a boyfriend. She cannot leave this earth without at least knowing what it feels like to be tenderly cared for. To have a guy smile at her and give her butterflies. To have a guy kiss her gently and whisper sweet nothings against her skin. To have a guy simply hold her, tell her everything will be alright when he knows for a fact it won't. But she also realizes how unfair it would be to fall in love with someone and to have someone fall in love with her when she knows she's going to die.

She knows it. It's going to happen, nothing can stop it now. It spread too quick and damaged her too soon. Bella can't even imagine meeting the guy of her dream for fear of breaking him when she's taken away from a life she never really got to live. This is the life of Bella Swan. A twenty year old who has yet experienced life…and will never get the chance to.


	2. Oh My God, I'm Such a Terrible Mess

**Not mine. :(**

* * *

**Ch. 2**

**Oh My God, I'm Such a Terrible Mess**

Bella stood up out of bed, trudging her way into the bathroom. She stared at her reflection. She was nothing but skin and bones now. Her veins were visible. Her skin was cold. She already felt like she was dead. No emotion. No life. She could no longer feel positive about her situation. She tried to at first, she really did. But depression soon struck her and she could no longer feel happiness. She finds no point when she knows it's just going to be viciously taken away from her. No one deserves to die, but no one deserves to die as young as she is. Twenty years of life just isn't enough, not enough to experience the true beauty of life. It's too late to save her. She hopped into the shower, cleaned herself up and stood under the hot water, trying to warm herself up even though she already knew it was impossible. Her skin was always cold. She turned the tab off, wrapped a towel around herself and brushed her teeth before dressing.

She grabbed her bag, grabbed her Blackberry and keys before walking out of her apartment and to her car. Time for another day at work. Another long day of going to a place she once loved, but now hates because she'll be leaving it soon. Yeah, today was going to be swell.

Edward Masen sat on the couch at the photo shoot bored and not looking at anyone. He had recently broken up for good with his long time on and off girlfriend Tanya. He couldn't take the constant fighting and making up, it was becoming too much for him. He was not looking forward to a photo shoot today where he would have to pretend to be happy and to act silly.

"Edward man you have to cheer up." Emmett McCarty stated as he sat next to his best friend. Edward shook his head.

"Why should I? I mean…I'm not sad, more like relieved but I just feel like I wasted so many years of my life taking her back and breaking up with her. I could have found someone else, I could have been happier." Edward replied. Emmett patted his back and sighed.

"I can't tell you what to do and I could only do so much convincing before you finally listened and did what we all wanted but you will find someone. You'll find someone very special, someone who makes you very happy." He explained. Edward shrugged and looked away again.

The door handle jiggled before two girls walked in. Edward looked up, one must be the photographer and the other…his breath caught in throat when he saw her. She was beautiful. Her facial features were soft, she looked a little timid like maybe she was shy and her frame was skinny but he didn't mind at all. Who is this girl? Edward felt his spirits lighten up before he stood up with the rest of his band mates.

"Hey guys I'm Angela and I will be the photographer for this shoot. This is my assistant Bella, if you have any questions go ahead and ask her ok? We'll be starting soon." Angela instructed. Bella…what a pretty name, it fits her.


	3. I Am Still Painting Flowers For You

**Not mine. :(**

* * *

**Ch. 3**

**I Am Still Painting Flowers For You**

"Can we ask if she's single because baby you're fucking beautiful." Emmett smirked stepping forward and kissing her hand. He was just being playful, he was being a good friend because he saw the way Edward was looking at her. She blushed, Bella felt a little happy. These boys seem friendly enough.

"Hi guys." She whispered. Edward stepped forward but Jake and Jasper got to her first. He couldn't help but feel a little jealous, he doesn't even know her…but he wants to. They started chatting with Bella and she felt herself shy away a little. She didn't want to become attached to any of them. They were nice. She could tell. But she knew it would only hurt worse to connect. Because soon, they would have to un-connect…when she dies. Edward noticed her shyness, he smiled at the idea of a shy girl. He likes that in a girl. He wants that in a girl. He's very outgoing, very loud and out there, he wants a girl who can be shy and only comfortable around him. He moved forward.

Bella noticed new shoes and as soon as she looked up she gasped for air. Edward's breath hitched in his throat as his honey hazel met her chocolate ones. Neither knew what was happening. Butterflies filled her tummy. Chills ran up and down his spine. At the moment in time, without either knowing, they had connected in the most official and most eternal way. They were destined. They were fate. But neither recognized the signs. Neither had fallen in love at first sight.

"Edward? You alright?" Jake asked. He had noticed Edward freeze. He waved his hand in front of Edward's puzzled face.

"I um…I yeah I'm ok. Hi, I'm Edward." Edward replied and stuck his hand out of for the mysterious girl named Bella. Bella's eyes were too caught up, she was still staring. She felt a nudge at her side and she immediately snapped out of her love struck glance. Her cheeks reddened and heated up at the idea of her staring for so long.

"Hi Edward…I'm Bella." She whispered. Her tiny, cold, fragile hand touched his large, warm and rough hand. Edward felt a little concerned as he noticed how bony her wrist was, how weak her grip felt, how icy her skin was. Was something wrong? He gave her a look but she just smiled in a friendly way and he forgot about his doubts.

"So do you know what kind of photo shoot this will be? Like the theme?" Jasper asked her. She grabbed her binder and flipped to the scheduled appointments.

"Well it seems like it will just be a natural theme, colored background, white occasionally and lots of different outfits for you guys." She replied.

"Ok cool thanks." Jasper and Jake walked off. Emmett noticed Edward's interest in Bella. She was very beautiful but Emmett couldn't help but wonder if something was wrong with her. She was frail looking. Worn out. Her skin was cold to the touch. He figured it might just be the long work days and air conditioned office but something in the back of his mind just wouldn't stop nagging.

"So Bella are you a photographer too? Or just Angela's assistant?" Emmett questioned casually. Might as well get to know her, and obviously Edward was too tongue tied to even mutter a squeak. He wanted to know her too. Bella's heart froze, she felt her eyes water a bit and she looked down, her long bangs falling in her face. She pushed them back, adjusting her loose bun. She had to give up photography. Had to give up her passion and become an assistant instead. Her sickness wasn't going to let her continue what she loves most.

"I um...I used to be. Not anymore really, but I used to carry a camera everywhere I would go to document and create memories, every picture captured has a story within it somewhere. It's a real art form." Bella's response was simple. Emmett smiled at her.

"That's a nice way to look at it." She smiled back slightly before sniffling.

"I'll be back, I forgot something in the van." Emmett waved to them both before leaving. Bella and Edward were alone. They felt shy, but somehow or another this magnetic force drew them closer to each other until they were standing in front of each other. Edward stared at her, looked her up and down, examined her. He had never felt such knots in his stomach. He had never felt his heart beat skip every other one. He was scared shitless because of this.

Bella stared back, through long lashes. Her gaze was gentle, Edward didn't feel so nervous with her looking at him. He felt at ease. He felt at peace. Bella could say the same even though his occasional once over made her feel a tad self-conscious. She knew she wasn't beautiful. Ever since she started losing more and more weight, ever since she lost that sparkle in her golden hazel eyes. Edward wanted to get to know her. Wanted to understand everything about her.

"I like flowers." His eyes widened after what had just fell from his mouth. Did he seriously just say that? Flowers? Really Edward? He mentally slapped himself upside the head. What an idiot! What a dumbass! She probably thinks he's a fucking retard now. Bella giggled slightly before looking up at him. He towered over her small frame.

"I do too. My favorite are white roses. They're non-stereotypical." She whispered. His heart fluttered. Hers skipped a beat.

"Really now? Very interesting. What else do you like?" Edward was intrigued now and he knew if random shit kept coming out of his mouth she'd answer in some way.

"I don't know. I like the ocean. I like cloudy days. I like rain. I like sunshine. I like iced tea. I like reading. What more do you want?" She cocked her head to the side, crossed her arms over her chest. Edward couldn't help but find that extremely cute.

"That's enough...for now." She smiled genuinely. How is it possible that one guy, one guy she just met...make her feel this way? She felt more alive. Felt more at ease. And as much as she hates to admit it...she could find herself falling for him.

Edward could see there was more to her than meets the eye. He could see she was unique and beautiful and wonderful and someone he'd really want to read and figure out. She is the kind of girl he'd like to get to know. Only question is...will she open up for him?


	4. Feels Like I'm Falling In Love

**Not mine. :(**

* * *

**Ch. 4**

**Feels Like I'm Falling In Love  
**

The photo shoot had gone by fairly well. Angela was a little bossy and the guys didn't exactly appreciate her tude as they'd put it. But they couldn't complain either because the photos had turned out amazing. While Bella was showing them she gave her own opinion, stating how well the colors had come out or how amazing the light shone on their perfect features. They're all very photogenic. When Bella sent the pictures to the editor Edward stared at her.

"You like her don't you?" Emmett's voice rang out of no where and Edward jumped from fright and surprise.

"What the fuck man don't do that! You scared me shitless." Edward whined. Emmett stared at his friend.

"You're avoiding my question: do you like her or not? Simple yes or no question Edward." He replied. Edward scratched the back of his neck nervously, looked over at Bella who looked so beautiful. The light from the iMac computer illuminated her face and he sighed slightly. Did he like her? She was making him feel things he had never experienced before, and it was weird to him. Foreign.

"I um...I don't know to be honest. I don't know her." He said.

"Well then maybe you should get to know her. She's nice." Emmett walked away then and Edward continued to stare at Bella. Bella had felt his gaze the entire time. From the corner of her eye she had seen him. It made her feel nervous. Why was Edward staring at her like this? What was so special about a damn cancer patient? She stood up straight and looked towards him, he realized he had been caught. His face captured a deer caught in headlights. She smiled slightly, it was adorable how fast he looked away and scratched the back of his neck casually.

Edward felt stupid. She had caught him staring. And he didn't move quick enough. She had seen him. He moved forward, walking towards her.

"What are you up to?" He questioned softly. Bella checked the time.

"I have to get going, I have a doctors appointment." Edward frowned, she was leaving? He would never see her again. Come on Edward, make a move. Make a move so you can see her again. He bit his lip, looking down at his converse.

"Oh..." He trailed off. She was silently begging him to ask her for her number. For some reason she wanted to become his friend. Wanted to get to know him. It was too hard to just walk away from him forever. They had connected. As soon as their fingers brushed, as soon as their hands touched. There were shocks. There were sparks. She felt them. He had to have felt them too...right?

"Well I best be off...it was nice meeting you." She turned and started walking away. Jake and Jasper hugged her, Emmett did too. She smiled at them all and turned to look back at Edward. Her eyes were inviting him to follow. Her eyes were asking for him to make a move. He froze on the spot. She sighed to herself before pulling on another smile and walking away. Her boots clicked against the floor, those sounds echoed in his head.

"What are you waiting for loser! Go ask for her number!" Emmett exclaimed. That brought Edward out of his thoughts and he moved, sprinted after her. She moved quickly, she was already in the parking lot by her car when Edward caught up. His lungs burnt. His throat ached. He couldn't breathe.

"I...I...c-can I have your number? I want to get to know you." Edward wheezed out. Bella smiled at his sweet attempt. It was adorable. But her heart ached at the idea of hurting him.

"I don't think that's such a good idea. We're better off forgetting we ever met." Lie. Lie. Lie. She wanted more than ever to give her number to him. Wanted more than ever to get to know him and vice versa. Edward gave her a confused sad look.

"But I thought..." He couldn't even complete his sentence. She looked down and bit her bottom lip. Don't cry Bella. Suck it up. Don't cry in front of him.

"I have to go." She whispered. Edward's hand gripped her shoulder softly. Out of no where. He hadn't even realized he had done so before it happened. She looked up. His face was sad. His features were down.

"Please..." His voice was barely a whisper. She barely heard him. She knew she would regret this. But she couldn't help but be selfish. She wanted this. She grabbed a pen from her purse and scribbled a number down on his hand.

"Careful not to let it smudge." She winked before getting into her car. Edward was once again frozen. But this time...frozen with joy. He was so happy. He felt butterflies. He felt overjoyed. He was going to get to know her. One way or another. It was just a matter of time.

~

Bella sat in the waiting room. Patiently. Methodically. Anxiously. She felt relieved that she was here to get checked out. She felt happy that she had given Edward her number. But she also felt sad about it. She was only going to hurt him in the end. There were only months left before her life clock timed out. Only so much time left. She felt horrible and so guilty about doing this to wonderful people. She had forgotten what it was like to meet such gentle people. She had forgotten what it felt like to be wanted. They wanted to be her friends. Edward maybe wanted more. Bella's thoughts were interrupted.

"Isabella Swan." The nurse called. She slowly got up and followed the nurse inside. She sat down, the nurse took her vitals.

"A little nervous are we?" The nurse asked as she checked Bella's blood pressure.

"Huh?" Bella questioned.

"You're blood pressure is up." She explained. Bella shrugged. Was it Edward? When her heart beat was checked the nurse smiled.

"Your heart rate is up too. Is there a new man in your life Bella?" This nurse was her favorite. She had been with her since she was first diagnosed. She can talk to her about anything.

"Funny...I met several guys today Esme but only one really caught my attention. One who really made me feel...funny. It's kind of weird to describe, I can't explain it. All I know it it felt good." She replied. Esme smiled, Bella had never been in love but she had all the symptoms.

"Maybe he's the one." Bella shrugged again and soon Dr. Cullen walked in. He had come to give Bella more bad news. He wasn't looking forward to this visit.

"Hi Bella how are you today?" He asked sitting down checking the clip board with her paperwork.

"I've been better." She squeaked. He nodded. How was he supposed to tell her she only had three months left to live? He didn't know how. He had grown to love Bella, like a daughter. She was sweet, kind, and so so young. She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve to die the way she is going to.

"I don't have the best news my dear." Bella squeezed her hands together, clenched her stomach and looked down.

"What's wrong now?" They were both talking softly. Bella's voice betrayed her. Her voice was broken. Full of tears. Dr. Cullen didn't know how he was supposed to say it.

"I've looked at the blood tests and other work we've done...the cancer is spreading even quicker now. I know I told you have a few months but now I have the exact amount." Bella couldn't believe what she was hearing. She wasn't prepared.

"Go ahead and tell me." She sniffled, her throat was on fire.

"Three months." Is all he said. She gasped, felt a sob wrack her ribs and her muscles shake. Her eyes watered and she choked back the sob. She was going to die in three months? That's not enough time. Not enough time to get to know Edward. Oh Edward...what was she going to do?

"Why me...?" Bella was shaking even more and she squealed as her finger shook.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I'll leave you be." He left calmly, but as soon as he was outside her door and he heard her sob loudly, her voice breaking as she cried, he couldn't help but feel like a failure. He had let his patient down. He felt horrible. His own eyes watered and several tears fell too. Bella fell to the ground, brought her knees to her chest as she cried harder. Three months. Three months. Three fucking months left.

"I hate you! I hate you! This isn't fair! This isn't fair!" She screamed at the ceiling.

"I hate you...I hate you..." Her voice broke each time. How was she going to live the last three months of her life?

~

Edward smiled as he entered his home. Seattle was cold today. Cloudy. But he felt happy. Happy because he had met Bella. Happy because for the first time in months he felt alive. She had re-awakened his spirit. She had kickstart his heart. He couldn't help but feel a little giddy. Sebastion climbed into his lap.

"Baz! Hello little puppy! Guess what! I met a girl today! She's beautiful, perfect, and I can't wait to get to know her. I think you'll like her too, more than you liked Tanya." He explained to his puppy. Seb just wagged his tail and he giggled slightly. Edward just felt so happy he couldn't even begin to explain.

Bella was wonderful. She was perfection. She was beautiful. She was...she was different. Unique. Something Tanya wasn't. Tanya was like any other ordinary girl he had met before. But Bella...even her name was unique. She was shy. She was timid. She was tiny. She was frail. Edward will admit that the worry and sadness in her eyes concerned him greatly. Maybe she was going though something. Maybe she was re-living something. All he knows is that whatever it may be, he wants to be there for her through it all. He wants to comfort her. He wants to hold her. He wants to kiss her. He wants to be the only reason she smiles.

"I will be there for you Bella...always."


	5. I Washed up, Fixed up, Picked Up

**Not mine. :(**

* * *

**Ch. 5**

**I Washed up, Fixed up, Picked up all My Broken Things**

Bella stared at the rising sun. Another sleepless night. These had become more common since she had been diagnosed with a prescription of death. She doesn't quite understand why it happens, just that it does. It's like her body is tired but her brain just won't shut off, therefore she finds it impossible to sleep.

5:30 A.M. She sighed before grabbing a hoodie and pulling on her slippers and walking downstairs. She made herself some coffee and grabbed a blueberry muffin. They were always her fave. You will, not matter what time of the day, see her eat at least one. Something about the taste and smell of blueberries has always calmed her. She moved into the living room, sitting on her soft, plush couch before staring out the big bay window, watching the sunrise higher and higher until the sky was a light blue mixed with gray, white stretched clouds and sunlight seeping through.

It's been two weeks since she went to that doctors appointment. Two weeks since she found out she only has three months left to live. Almost two. And she's been wasting away on this couch. In her dark home. Wasting away to nothing. Nothing but her thoughts. She has no family left. Her mother passed just three years ago of breast cancer. Her father passed when she was sixteen, car accident. She had been diagnosed three months before he was killed. No siblings to speak of. Her mother could only bare Bella, but her mother did talk about the siblings she had but they never made it past birth. Apparently she had three older brothers. All of whom she used to visit in the graveyard back in Arizona.

Bella quit her job a week ago. She just couldn't do it anymore. She found herself too weak to even get out of bed, let alone work six hours on her feet non-stop. She doesn't miss being an assistant, especially since Angela wasn't the nicest of bosses. She yelled and screamed at Bella over the phone about how she was a lazy ass who didn't give a damn about her career and how she had royally fucked Angela over by quitting on such short notice. Something inside Bella had snapped. Sent her over the edge. She recalls in a lost memory somewhere about what she had said.

~  
"You fucking little bitch! I cannot believe you would do this to me! Do you know who I am! Do you know how amazing your job was!" _Bella_ pulled the phone away from her ear.

"You are a lazy nobody! All you do is sulk and make people unhappy! You will pay for quitting on me you hear!" Something snapped suddenly. Anger had built up for the past year she had been working for Angela. It was now or never.

"Oh I'm sorry if my leukemia is an inconvenience to your fucking schedule but I only have three fucking months left to live and I wish not to spend them suffering in your pathetic office! You are cruel! You are a bitch! I hate working for you and I always have! Your nothing but a selfish, bitchy woman!" There was silence on the end. _Bella felt her heart pounding._

_"Bella I-"_

_"Save it, I'm done." Bella hung up. She had never felt better in her whole life._

She giggled to herself just thinking of that. That was a good day. She had finally let it out that she was sick though and for that she wasn't very happy. She just wished to fade slowly, no one would remember her anyway. Edward hasn't bothered to contact her. The other guys have. Edward hadn't though. And she can't help but feel a little disappointment. She really though Edward was into her. Then again, she wouldn't be here much longer. He was just doing her a favor.

Edward walked through the front door of his house, burning up and panting wildly. He had just gone on a long morning run. Felt the need to do something with his time instead of wasting away on the couch. He never wakes up this early. He couldn't sleep though. He's been thinking about Bella for the past couple weeks. He hadn't called her. The other guys have. But Edward matters most. He just...he's scared. Intimidated by her. She's so beautiful. So powerful. So shy and timid he's scared of rejection. He has, after all, only been with other girl before. That was Tanya.

He grabbed a cold water bottle from the fridge and chugged it down within in seconds. He reached for a second, downed half of it. He gasped, his heart still racing. He felt better now. But a shower would be better. He walked upstairs and grabbed some clean clothes before heading into a steamy, inviting shower.

Now, being nine in the morning Edward felt the need to leave again. He hooked Seb's leash onto his collar before walking out of his house. It was a nice morning. Sunny. Seattle really is beautiful. Birds chirped. The sun kissed his skin. A cool breeze blew around him. Seb was happily trotting along, casually pissing on lamp posts and barking happily. Almost like he was smiling. They headed towards the park.

Bella felt like leaving today. She can't waste her last moments on a couch in her shielded home. She showered and dressed, tied her hair up in the messy bun, using a thin black head band to pushing her bangs back. Makeup covered her lightly, naturally almost. Her skin was warmed by the sun as soon as she stepped out. Camera hanging around her neck, she felt alive. Smiling even, Bella made her way to the park.

Edward sat under a big oak tree, shaded by the green leaves and large branches, Seb sat in his lap as he petted him. He sighed happily, his eyes covered by his black Ray Bans. But his eyes perked up when he saw a familiar figure. By the pond, snapping pictures of the ducks. He moved his sunglasses to the bridge of his nose and he smiled. Bella was here. Bella was here!

"HEY Bella!" Edward shouted. Bella's head snapped up, she could see him in the distance. Her heart sped up as she saw Edward waving at her. She gave back a small wave before moving towards him. Edward checked his breath and adjusted his beanie before patting the seat next to him. Bella smiled slightly and gladly accepted.

"Long time no see." She whispered. Edward looked down, frowned at his own actions. He had to apologize for being such an asshole.

"Long time no talk. I'm so sorry Bella, I've been...well I could lie and say I've been busy but that wouldn't be very nice. I'm so sorry I haven't called it's just...you scared me. You see you're all I've thought about the past couple of weeks. Every time I wanted to pick up the phone, I couldn't. I'm intimidated by you. You're so beautiful. So shy and timid. So...amazing and I'm scared of rejection. I've only ever been with one other girl before, I don't know how these things work." He explained.

Bella felt a little better after hearing his confession. She blushed even. Her heart fluttered. Her breath caught in her throat. She looked around the beautiful surroundings. Glowing sunlight. Clear water in the pond. Birds chirping. Leaves blowing. Ducks quacking. She turned to look at Edward. His sunglasses were off now, so she could look into his eyes. They held remorse, regret, apology. She patted his shoulder.

"It's ok, now that I know why you were not calling. I um...I've been thinking about you too." She admitted. Edward's stomach turned, butterflies flapped. He smiled. She was thinking of him too? He grasped her hand, it wasn't quite so cold as last time.

"It's good to know. Trust me. I'm glad you have. How have you been?" He asked with a smile. Bella felt hers diminish quickly. She looked down at her camera. There's no way she could tell him the bad news. Not now. She couldn't even bring herself to look at him.

"I've been...better. Times are hard right now. I quit my job. I wasn't happy there at all. But I've gotten back into my photography...well starting today anyways." Edward knew she was hiding something. He could hear it in her tone. He grasped her chin gently, brought her sad eyes to look up into his. He saw pain.

"Why so sad? Is something wrong?" She shook it off and smiled fakely. He didn't catch it as one. He hadn't registered what her real smile was and what her fake one was. He would soon learn.

"It's whatever. How about you? How are you Mr. Rockstar?" She giggled. He did too.

"I've been ok. Busy writing songs I suppose. But that's it, it's nice to be home in Seattle after being on tour for so long." Edward replied.

"I'm sure." She whispered. They looked towards the pond. Edward grabbed her camera and looked through it. He was amazed at what he saw. Amazed by the wonderful pictures she had captured. The different memories and stories. She truly did have a talent.

"You took these?" He gasped. She blushed but nodded slightly.

"These are fucking amazing Bella. I wish you would have taken our photos instead, man..." He said in amazement. She blushed harder, hiding her face in her hands. Edward en-circled his hands around her wrists carefully.

"Don't hide such a beautiful face."

* * *

**Outfit on profile...**


	6. She's Been Running Through My Dreams

**Not mine. :( BTW! Emmett is not BUFF. He's a scrawny little stick...Sorry but he's not the muscle man.  
**

* * *

**Ch. 6**

**She's Been Running Through My Dreams**

Edward continued to drive slowly, all the way to Emmett's house. Bella sat in the passenger seat, smiling casually and continuing her gaze out the window. She was beginning to feel tired, it had been a long day. Her and Edward had spent half of it at the park talking and getting to know each other. He felt like he knew everything, except, he also felt like she was hiding something from him. Something very big. But he wasn't going to push her either. He wanted her to tell him in her own time.

Bella silently thanked Edward for this. She didn't want him to find out. She wanted to fade away like a memory, maybe only be remembered in a photograph or something else. She didn't want to tell him that she was going to die...not when she knew how she was feeling for him. It scared her how she felt. She hadn't known Edward long but he was all she thought about. Thinking about him made her forget her death sentence. In fact, thinking of Edward, made her feel more alive. Made her forget she has a terminal disease. He promised to show her the world, promised to do anything for her. She was scared because of this.

Edward had never fallen faster before. It was a scary feeling for him. Even with Tanya it had taken quite some time before he could admit he was in love with her. But with Bella...something just sparkled about her. She was so mysterious, so quiet, he just wanted to find everything about her. And he did. She opened up. And he was falling. Falling fast like a shooting star. It only took seconds for him to reach across Bella's large sky before he could admit how he felt. It scared him because of this.

Neither were prepared to fall in love. Neither were prepared for the heart break both would surely feel when Bella passed. But they were willing. Bella was willing to be selfish so she could finally experience love. Edward was willing to hurt himself, even when he would finally find out she would die. They were willing. And they were ready. It's only a matter of time now.

"Well here we are." Edward stated as they pulled up in front of Emmett's large house. Bella turned her attention towards him, she looked out the window.

"I...I don't know if I can do this Edward...I..." She stuttered. She couldn't complete a thought or a sentence. She was scared. The guys were nice but she wasn't a very social person. Not since she got sick. Edward noticed this. He grabbed her hand gently in his, squeezed it reassuringly.

"It's ok Bella, you don't have to be nervous or shy. The guys are amazing, we're all very nice. You'll fall in love instantly, I promise. Come on, won't be so bad. I'll stick by your side, it's only the five of us." He whispered. She looked into his eyes. They were sincere. She looked at his smile. It was genuine. She felt her heart beat quickly, she felt herself struggling for breath. But she nodded slightly, smile half way. He let go of her hand and got out before walking to her side. He opened her door. She un-buckled her seat belt and took his hand, he laced his fingers with hers. She held her camera tightly in her fingers as it hung from his neck.

"Ok here we go." He said more to himself then to her. They walked up the driveway and under the arch before entering his porch and ringing the doorbell. They waited patiently. Emmett opened the door with a large grin on his face.

"Edward! Bella! Come in!" He opened the door wider, Edward nudged her to go first. He followed in behind her. As soon as they were in Emmett embraced Bella in a tight hug, lifting her off the ground. Edward saw the panic in her eyes, he opened his mouth to say something but Bella's giggle cut him off. She was genuinely laughing. She held onto Emmett tighter.

"Hello gorgeous we've missed you dearly! Don't disappear on us like that again!" Emmett exclaimed.

"Ha-ha ok Emmy...whatever you say." She replied. He set her down and sloppily kissed her cheek. She scrunched up her cute little nose and Edward smiled. She is way too adorable.

"Ah my lover! Come we must share in a sacred bond of our sexual love!" Emmett joked to Edward in a French accent.

"Oh yes my love of course!" Edward replied in his very good fake British accent. Bella's ears perked up. She remembered Edward telling her he lived in England for the first eight years of his life. Said he had a strong accent but it faded away when he moved to the States, soon he obtained a west coast accent instead. She thought both sounded cute on him.

Emmett and Edward embraced tightly, the best of friends, that's what they are. Always there for each other. Always have been. Tell each other everything. They are truly brothers. And they love each other.

"So let's go into the living room. We were trying to decide what movies to watch. I ordered three different pizzas and there's lot of soda, chips, popcorn and beer. Does that sound good?" Emmett questioned. Edward nodded. They both looked at Bella. She seemed the innocent type.

"That's fine." She whispered. She wasn't going to drink. Drinking was bad for her cancer. She used to, a lot, before she got sick. She used to do a lot of things before she got sick. Edward grabbed her hand again before Emmett led them into the living room.

"But I wanted to watch this!" Jasper pouted at Jake. Jake rolled his eyes.

"We are not watching Babe in the Big City. We are watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." Jake retorted.

"Babe!"

"Ninja!"

"Babe!"

"Ninja!"

"BABE!"

"NINJA!"

"HEY!" Jasper and Jake stopped glaring at each other and looked towards Emmett who's loud shouting had scared them.

"Jasper watching Babe is a no no, no one likes a talking pig. And Jake, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is bad ass so we'll watch it, but later. I wanna watch The Dark Knight, it's super hero and villan themed tonight. End of story, we voted last week." He explained. Jake and Jasper pouted but they smiled when they saw a shy Bella hiding behind Edward's body.

"Hey Bella!" They greeted her with enthusiasm. She smiled and waved back, they came over and both hugged her. She was scared Jake would crush her with his big muscles, but he was gentle. Jasper is pretty built too, just like Edward. Emmett is the only "skinny bitch" as Edward would call it.

"So Superman first?" Edward asked. They all nodded. Emmett put on the more recent one and they all took their seats. Edward and Bella on the large couch, Emmett stretching out on the love seat, Jake was laying on his stomach on the floor and Jasper was sitting in the large comfy chair. It wasn't a recliner but it was a fucking huge ass chair and it was comfy. Edward and Bella weren't sitting too close, there hands separated them. Occasionally Edward would brush his fingers against hers as kind of an invitation to hold her hand. Each time he did this she felt butterflies.

Edward was a little confused as to why she didn't reciprocate the invitation but then he remembered she wasn't the most experienced in relationships. She had only one boyfriend before but they only lasted a month, and it was her junior year of high school. She had told him it didn't last long because he got sick of Bella not opening up or being affectionate with him. Bella explained she had trust issues. Edward didn't mind, he was just an affectionate person and he's willing to show it to her and for her to give it back to him.

When the pizza arrived Bella had never seen such wild antics. It was like watching animals at a water hole, pushing for more and getting only the best. It was a silly sight and it made her giggle. She only grabbed one slice of pizza and a can of coke. Edward took notice instantly. Everyone else piled their plate but she hadn't. Then he saw how skinny she was. Did she have an eating disorder? She showed no signs, he was probably just being paranoid. There's no way she could be like that, she probably just wasn't hungry. He repeated this to himself.

Bella wasn't very hungry. Being sick all the time made her lose appetite but she always forced herself to eat because she knew she would only get sicker if she didn't eat. So she did. Edward watched her carefully. She felt a little self-conscious eating in front of all the boys. Especially Edward because he was staring at her the whole fucking time.

Five movies, two pizzas, eight beers later, the guys were beginning to pass out. Bella had passed out during the third movie. She must have been tired because it was so early. Edward pulled her over to him, had her fall asleep against his chest. He covered them up. He rubbed up and down her back while the other remained around her small waist. He sighed to himself. He wanted this. This felt right to him. Bella being in his arms felt right. She stirred slightly and fluttered her heavy eyes open, Edward noticed, brushing his fingertips against her cheek. She smiled, his skin was so warm, it helped comfort her cold skin.

"Edward...?" Her voice was hoarse, laced with sleep. He shushed her gently and placed his finger tip over her soft pink lips.

"It's ok Bella go back to sleep." She smiled tiredly and he kissed her forehead softly. Warmth exploded across her body, just from one simple kiss. It lingered longer than it should have, as soon as he pulled away from it she snuggled closer to him. He smiled more to himself. He noticed that she had several bruises across her body. They were in random spots and he couldn't help but feel concerned. Was she a klutz? He kissed one that was on her arm lightly, another that laid across her wrist and another that was on her forearm. Her skin was soft, it was warmer than usual and he couldn't help but wonder if that was because of him.

"I am falling for you Bella Swan."

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**oh god, he's gonna find out soon! and actually excessive bruising and fatigue are two common symptoms of leukemia so haha i did my research. i'll have to do quite a lot of it for this story. REVIEW PLEASE!**


	7. Who Could Deny These Butterflies?

**Not mine. :(  
**

* * *

**Ch. 7**

**Who Could Deny These Butterflies? They're Filling His Gut**

Bella woke up in the middle of the night sweating and freezing cold. Another fever. She shivered and cuddled closer to the pillow she was pushed against. Thump. Thump. Thump. She jumped when she realized her pillow had a heart beat. Was she hallucinating? Was that another side effect of her sickness? She felt the pillow, it was warm, hairy, and it smelt good. She opened her eyes wider and saw it was Edward she was asleep against. She looked around and saw the glow from the TV illuminating Emmett's living room. She panicked and fell backwards landing on the floor. Thud.

Edward's eyes bolted open when something hit the floor. He felt himself and noticed he was still on the couch. Everyone was in their original spot. But where's Bella? He yawned and looked around, spotted her on the floor grasping her lower back. She looked to be close to tears.

"Hey Bella are you ok?" He whispered. She sniffled and shook her head. She didn't know why she was crying. Just that she was. It hurt. When she fell. And she could feel a throbbing in her lower back where another blue and black bruise was sure to form. Edward heard her sniffle.

"Hey hey what's wrong Bells, why are you crying sweetness?" He questioned softly and bent down to help her up. He cradled Bella in his lap instantly, rubbing her back soothingly and kissing her forehead.

"I'm sorry...I don't even know why I'm crying, I just...I hurt myself. I fell off the couch and hurt my lower back real bad." She whined. Edward smiled softly at the cute little fairy in his lap. He rubbed her cheek gently with his rough thumb before moving one of his hands lower and using his knuckles to kneed the tender flesh. She moaned in pain and buried her face in Edward's neck. He kissed her head.

"It's alright Bella...I got you. I'm never letting you go...I got you..." Edward whispered this over and over to a sniffling Bella. She held him tighter, squeezing him with all her might. She didn't want the moment to end, she just wanted to lay like this with Edward for the next three months of what was left of her life. Just like this.

It's been two weeks since that night. Two weeks since Bella could admit she's fallen for Edward. Two weeks since Edward realized the same. It scares them both but Bella is willing to be selfish. Edward still doesn't know. He doesn't know that he only has two more months left with this precious angel that he's grown to love with each passing day. He doesn't want to let her go. She's scared to tell him. For the betterment of them both she's tried to tell him...but she just can't. He makes her feel too good. He makes her feel alive. He makes her feel something incredible. And she's not willing to part from that feeling. Not until it's time.

Edward and her have spent every waking second they can together. He either goes to her house every day or vice versa. They're not dating, he hasn't even asked her on the first date. They don't kiss like a boyfriend and girlfriend would. They just cuddle and somehow or another find a way to seem like a couple. They know how they feel about each other. Edward just doesn't know how to make that move.

Currently they were on the couch over at his place. Seb was asleep in Bella's lap as she petted his fur gently. Edward was resting his arm on the top of the couch so she was practically attached to him. He rested his cheek on top of his head. His fingers traced little patterns on her arms. He inhaled her scent. Strawberries.

"Ya know Bella...I was thinking maybe we could go out out to dinner sometime?" He started out slowly. He was nervous. Butterflies flapped wildly inside his tummy. He was scared of what her reaction would be. She didn't respond right away. The anxiety grew. The tension grew.

Bella wasn't sure of whether or not to accept or decline. She wanted to more than ever. She wanted to take this plunge with Edward. She knew she could face death if she had Edward by her side. If she had his strength. But she also discouraged this behavior. She was only hurting him more, especially because she hasn't told him yet. She shook her head slightly, clearing her throat. Her doctor encouraged her to live every day until the end. This was one way to start.

"Yes." She squeaked. Edward's eyes widened.

"You will!" He exclaimed. He was way excited now, in fact, he's pretty sure he scared her by his loud response! She giggled and nodded.

"I'd love to. Please do. Surprise me." She whispered. Edward's heart thumped wildly, every thump pulsing blood causing an extreme rush to course through his veins. He smiled wide, kissed her cheek happily.

"I promise you, it will be the best date ever." He nuzzled her cheek with his nose before she smiled closing her eyes, enjoying the warm feeling spreading throughout her body, shooting tingles up and down her spine all the way to her toes and fingertips. She curled her bare toes, fingertips encircled Edward's warm wrist. Neither had ever experienced such a powerful rush. Neither had ever experienced such an amazing warmth.

Neither were prepared to ever let it go either.

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	8. I'm Hardly Worth Your Time

**Not mine. :(  
**

* * *

**Ch. 8**

**I'll Take You Out Though I'm Hardly Worth Your Time**

Tonight is the night. The night of Bella and Edward's first date. Both have never been more nervous in their entire lives. Both have never been more excited in their entire lives. Bella has spent hours doing everything she can to look her best. She even clipped her long bangs to the side and has kept her messy bun but placed a pretty head band in her curls to add. She put makeup on, she actually dressed up. She still doesn't know what Edward has planned for the evening. She hasn't felt good all day but she's pushed it aside because nothing will ruin her date tonight.

Edward stood in front of his full length mirror re-adjusting his tie and fixing his hair. He grabs a hat from his bed and places it on his head carefully.

"Yo dude!" Emmett greeted him. Edward smiled and waved before looking over his outfit again.

"Nervous?" Emmett sat on his bed and stared at his best friend. He could tell Edward was nervous, but he could also see how excited Edward was. He wouldn't stop grinning and it's all he's talked about the past couple of days. In all honesty, Edward planned the cutest and most cliched first date possible.

"Very...but the happiness is overcoming the nerves." Edward replied simply and turned to look at Emmett.

"Are you going to kiss her?" Emmett's voice laced with innocence made Edward blush and cross his arms over his chest.

"Only if I feel it's right. This is the first date after all and Bella is timid and shy, I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. Only if the moment is right...I told myself this. I will keep to it, I don't want to lose her, she's so special. I like her a lot Emmett...and that scares me." Edward's voice wavered slightly, he didn't realize how quickly his heart was racing until he stopped to take a short breath.

"Don't worry bud, things will go perfect. She's great, you're great, nothing to worry about. I promise. Just have fun and just be yourself. Bella will like you for you." They high-fived and Edward left to grab some flowers. He went to the nicest flower shop in Baltimore and ordered a special bouquet. Bella loves white roses, he got a dozen blooming ones. A pink ribbon tied them all together. Edward paid and thanked the lady before driving over to Bella's.

"I can do this. I can do this." He muttered to himself. Over and over and over again.

Bella paced her living room feeling more and more anxious. It filled her stomach and made her feel sicker. She was panting, almost to the point of chest pains. Her fingers shook. Her body felt sore. But she was happy. Happy because she was finally living...even if life would be taken from her soon. When the doorbell rang she jumped. It scared her. She was mentally freaking out. She rushed over to a mirror to re-check her appearance. Well, here goes nothing...

"Hi Edward." She greeted him with a smile. He looked so handsome, she couldn't help but smile wider.

"Hey beautiful, I got you something." Bella blushed even more. She was so flustered at this point she felt like running away and hiding. Edward brought the bouquet from behind his back and she gasped. The white blooming roses were absolutely gorgeous. She counted a dozen. No one had ever given her flowers. Her heart fluttered. He's so perfect.

"Edward...they're...they're lovely. Thank you so much, please, come in." He handed her the flowers and Bella took them into the kitchen and put them in a vase full of water. Edward watched her graceful movements. He took the time to look her over. She was a vision. A true vision of beauty. So natural, she was wearing barely any makeup. Just eye stuff to make her warm milk chocolate eyes pop more. He smiled when he could inhale her wonderful scent of strawberries. The dress hugged her skinny frame, her heels made her some inches taller. Edward felt flustered himself.

Bella turned to see Edward looking at her. His eyes full of love and pride, her breath hitched in her throat. She bit her bottom lip and looked down, Edward stepped forward until he stood in front of her. He brought one of his large hands to her soft cheek, she looked up at him through thick lashes.

"You are so perfect." His forehead pressed to hers and she played with the collar of his suit jacket.

"Should we go?" She didn't know how to respond to his first statement so out of nervous behavior she popped a question. Edward smiled thinking she was so cute. He kissed her forehead.

"Yes, let's go." He took her hand in his gently, kissing her knuckle before they moved out of her house. Bella checked to make sure the door locked and Edward led her to the car. He opened the door for her like a true gentleman, she thanked him sweetly kissing his cheek, feeling him blush under her lips. They curled into a cheshire grin and he looked down quickly avoiding her eyes. He was getting too flustered in front of her. She giggled to herself and watched him get into the drivers seat. Edward grabbed a bandana from the glove compartment and looked at Bella.

"It's a surprise so I need to blind fold you. Is that ok?" She bit her lip and nodded. She trusted him. He tied it gently around her eyes, kissing her nose when he finished. She giggled and his heart soared. Way too adorable. He drove to the park. He picked a secluded area and set up a candle lit picnic and brought his guitar and a stereo. Cliche, yes. Adorable? Totally. When they arrived Edward cut the engine and got out of the car before grabbing a picnic basket from the trunk. He made his way over to Bella's side, she had un-buckled her seat belt.

"Bella I need you to trust me ok? Do you?" Edward asked as he helped her out. Bella squeezed his hand.

"Just don't let me fall." She whispered.

"Never." He walked through the path, carefully guiding her. He wanted to be gentle, wanted to be careful. There was no way he was fucking this up. When he found his area, he let go of her hand and set down the basket and lit all of the candles. He stood in front of her then. She looked so innocent. Standing still, blindfold covering her amazing eyes he moved his hands to her lovely face.

"I'm going to take this off now ok?" She nodded. Edward gently un-tied it, carefully removed it and allowed her to open her eyes. She gasped. Bella had never seen something more beautiful. They were in a meadow filled with different flowers. Candles illuminated the scene before her. A picnic basket and stereo and guitar laid there. She looked up at Edward who was looking at her carefully. He was scared of her response.

"Edward this is wonderful." She pulled him into a hug and he hugged her back tightly. He swayed them side to side and kissed her cheek softly, nuzzling his nose there.

"Come sit." He helped her sit down and he grabbed tow plastic purple cups, popping a bottle of champagne and pouring them both cups. He made her a plate of French bread, cheese, grapes and other fruits alike. She thanked him.

"Dig in." Bella took a bite of her bread, nibbled her cheese, and swallowed some of the fruit and champagne. Edward watched her eat, she was so delicate, so careful.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Bella questioned seeing that he didn't dig in yet. Edward blushed again. She was catching him staring. He rubbed his hands down his face and sighed.

"Fuck." He muttered to himself. She rubbed his palms and giggled kissing his nose.

"Don't worry I find it absolutely adorable that your so flustered Edward." He didn't feel so nervous or embarrassed with her comment. He grabbed her hands in his, laced their fingers together.

"Can I play you a song?" Bella nodded.

"I've never heard you sing before, please do." She admitted. This made Edward more excited. He loved that she didn't listen to his music before now. He wanted to surprise her. He wanted her to love his voice. He cleared his throat. Now he felt a little self-conscious. He didn't want to screw this up. He warmed up his voice at home. He strummed the guitar a few times and cleared his throat.

"This is called 'Six Feet Under the Stars'." Her eyes widened. Did he just say six feet under...the stars? Was that a death reference? Did he know? She panicked slightly but Edward didn't see it. He was too preoccupied with trying to sound the best he ever has. The guitar strumming was beautiful and as soon as Edward's voice rang through the air, she felt better.

_"Time to lay claim to the evidence_  
_Fingerprints sold me out_  
_But our footprints washed away from the docks downtown_  
_It's been getting late for days_  
_And I think myself deserving of a little time off_  
_We can kick it hang for hours_  
_And just mouth off about the world_  
_And how we know it's going straight to hell_

_Pass me another bottle, honey_  
_The Jager's so sweet_  
_But if it keeps you around then I'm down_

_Meet me on Thames Street_  
_I'll take you out though I'm hardly worth your time_  
_In the cold you look so fierce, but I'm warm enough_  
_Because the tension's like a fire_  
_We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes_  
_And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line_  
_Fall in the grave I've been digging myself_  
_But there's room for two_  
_Six feet under the stars_

_I should have known better than to call you out_  
_(On a night like this, a night like this)_  
_If not for you, I know I'd tear this place to the ground_  
_(But I'm alright like this, alright like this)_  
_I'm gonna roll the dice before you sober up and get gone_  
_(I'm always in over my head)_

_Thames Street_  
_I'll take you out though I'm hardly worth your time_  
_In the cold you look so fierce, but I'm warm enough_  
_Because the tension's like a fire_  
_We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes_  
_And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line_  
_Fall in the grave I've been digging myself_  
_But there's room for two_  
_Six feet under the stars_

_Time to lay claim to the evidence_  
_Fingerprints sold me out_  
_But our footprints washed away_  
_I'm guilty, but I'm safe for one more day_  
_Overdressed and underage (what a let down)_  
_"Do you really need to see an ID?"_  
_This is embarrassing as hell (what a let down)_  
_But I can cover for it so well_  
_When we're six feet under the stars_

_Thames Street_  
_I'll take you out though I'm hardly worth your time_  
_In the cold you look so fierce, but I'm warm enough_  
_Because the tension's like a fire_  
_We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes_  
_And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line_  
_Fall in the grave I've been digging myself_  
_But there's room for two_  
_Six feet under the stars_  
_Six feet under the stars_  
_Six feet under the stars"_

Bella felt her heart race and she couldn't help but grin wide. That song was beautiful and Edward sung with so much emotion, so much feeling, she couldn't help but feel so proud of him.

"Edward...that was wonderful. You have the most amazing voice." She stated. Edward placed his guitar down and he scooted closer to her.

"You liked it?" She nodded.

"I'm glad...I'm hardly with your time though. You're so much more amazing than me Bella. You deserve so much more. So much better...but you chose me. Why is that?" Edward had to ask. He felt butterflies as she moved closer to him too. This was the most confident he had ever seen her. And he liked it. Bella grinned.

"Because I came alive when I met you...you make me feel...you make me feel like life can actually be ok. That things aren't as bad as they seem Edward. And I will never be able to thank you for that." Edward was shocked by her response but he didn't mind. He moved his face closer to hers.

"You make me feel the same. I've never felt this way about someone Bella, you're special. You're wonderful and perfect and so...you put me at a loss of words. You leave me breathless with every smile. I'm just head over heels for you." She blushed as Edward's words gave her chills.

"I think I know how you can repay me?" He whispered, his nose touching hers.

"How so?" Her voice was breathless, barely above a whisper. He didn't answer her. He moved his face even closer, their lips centimeters apart. She could feel his warm breath fanning her face. He could hear her heart racing. This was it. Anticipation built in their stomachs wildly.

He connected their lips. Waves of sparks washed over them, in and out, sending an overwhelming rush through both of their bodies. The power was surged from one to the other. Neither had ever experienced something like this before. Bella moved a hand to cup his cheek. He pulled away slowly. They didn't say anything. They didn't have to.

The pair walked hand in hand through the streets of Seattle, looking into the windows of different shops occasionally. Bella's eyes sparkled with happiness, Edward just wanted to hold her all night long. That kiss had given him the confidence boost he needed. However, Bella, no matter how happy that kiss made her, she felt even worse. She was so guilty, so full of sorrow. She was going to kill Edward's heart. And she wasn't prepared for that.

Bella stopped walking and felt a wave of nausea course through her veins. She wobbled and gripped the wall. Edward looked concerned.

"Are you ok?" He asked. She shook her head. She couldn't breathe. Her throat burned with sobs. Her eyes watered with salty tears. She inhaled shakily, exhaled the same way.

"Edward I-I-I can't..." She stuttered. He raised an eye-brow and held her face.

"You can't what baby?" His voice was soft and sincere, laced with worry and concern. She felt even worse and tears blurred her vision. She didn't say anything. Bella did the only thing she knew how to do. She ran.

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	9. Give Me Therapy, I'm A Walking Travesty

**Not mine. :(  
**

* * *

**Ch. 9**

**Give Me Therapy, I'm a Walking Travesty**

Bella stormed away from him. She couldn't be around him. It hurt too much. She should have never agreed to this. She should have never put either of them in this position. She reacted. She reciprocated his feelings. She gave in.

"Bella come back here now! Please!" Edward shouted from down the street. Bella heard his footsteps increase. She started running. No Edward, just go. Please, just go away. He can't be feeling this way. He can't fucking feel this way! She won't let him! She won't break his heart!

"Go away Edward! You don't want me! Please you really don't!" Bella screamed as she ran to the park. Her lungs started burning and her throat was dry. Edward was a fast runner, he caught up too quick. He grabbed her skinny arms, shook her frail frame.

"I do want to be with you! Let me! Why won't you just let me love you? What is so wrong with falling for you? Bella tell me!" Edward grabbed her face and she shook her head violently trying to get him to let go.

"Leave me alone! Edward you're better off without me! Please..." Bella begged.

"Why? What's wrong?" She shook her head and he pulled her even closer, still holding her face.

"Open your eyes." Bella felt tears burn at them, she slowly did as he requested and she saw how sad and concerned his were. They were about to get a whole lot more sad.

"Why can't we be together Bella? We feel the same way about each other, I know it. I've never fallen so hard or so fast for somebody. That's got to mean something right? That's got to mean we're meant to be. Why won't you let that happen?" He questioned. Her stomach turned. Her heart raced. Her head pounded. Her breath caught in her throat. Bella clenched her hands into fists.

"I'm sick." She whispered. He raised an eye-brow.

"You're sick? That's it? If you're feeling so bad I can take you home right-"

"No Edward you don't get it. I'm sick." She stated in a firmer voice. He looked confused again, his eyes sad. She placed her hand over his heart, felt it pounding wildly against his chest. She took a deep breath. It's now or never.

"I have leukemia." Edward's eyes widened and his eyes began to water instantly. She felt his heart pound faster, he gasped and grasped both her hands in his, they were chilled. He kissed each icy finger tip, shook his head from side to side refusing to believe that he had finally found a girl he truly loved and now she was sick.

"You what?" Bella shook her head refusing to repeat herself. Her voice was caught in her throat. Her eyes burned and her head pounded.

"Don't make me repeat myself Edward please." She begged full on crying now. His own eyes were watering and tears started to stream down her face. Edward's heart broke. He couldn't believe what she had just said. She's dying? She's sick? He finally found love and now she's going to be gone?

"Please Bella I can fix this, I can fix you. Just don't leave me, I'm falling for you. I've never fallen so hard or so fast before, please...please...I can't live without you..." He was on his knees now squeezing her hips and resting his face on her tummy. She sobbed and grabbed his head, throwing his hat off and he nuzzled his nose on her shirt covered stomach.

"Edward I'm dying! I'm going to be gone in two fucking months! We can't be together! I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I messed with your heart, I should have just walked away...but I just couldn't. The first day we met we connected and I've always wanted to be in love and I just...I fell for you. And it hurts because now neither of us will have each other." She explained.

"No...no...no...NO! I won't let you fucking die Bella! I love you! I really do, I can feel it! You can't leave me, I don't want to live life without you! Please...please, let me fix you. Let me help you. I'll help pay for the most expensive medicine or treatments just as long as you live. Please... I'm begging you Bella, don't leave me..." Edward was sobbing, he balled her sweater into his fists, crying hysterically and clutching onto her tightly. He couldn't let her go, he couldn't imagine life without this wonderful girl. It hurts too much to even think about her dying. She's so young, her life has barely begun.

"Edward I have no choice...I'm going to die, nothing can save me now. But I need you to be strong, I need you to let me go...please, don't torture yourself, forget about me. You are so much better off without me. You can go on and get married and have babies, please Edward give up. You'll be much happier without me, I promise." Bella was trying to convince herself of this, she had prepared for this. Edward couldn't listen, he didn't want to listen. This was all too much to take in. Too much to swallow at once.

"Bella I am begging you, I am telling you, I need you. I can admit it now, baby I love you. Without you, life is unbearable! We've spent so much time together these past couple of weeks. I love you, we are meant to be. It's fate, I felt it when we first met. Bella, you're the most amazing girl. You're beautiful and wonderful and smart and funny and even if you're sick, I can't let you go. This is when I should be spending the most time with you, because you're leaving. You're fucking leaving me to die! You're dying and I don't understand it! I don't fucking understand it! And I hate it!" Edward screamed and stood up. Bella was shaking and tried to grab his arm but he shoved it off.

"Fuck...just stop Bella. Just...I need some time to myself...please..." He grabbed her face, she was crying and his heart broke faster and faster. Pieces shattered and stabbed him, his face dropped, his happiness gone. His smile had left. It was never coming back.

"Edward don't do this...be reasonable-"

"How in the fuck do you expect me to be reasonable when your fucking dying! How! You're dying and I don't know how to handle it! Don't tell me to be fucking reasonable Bella!" Edward couldn't be around her anymore. It hurt too much. She reached out to him but he moved away.

"I just need time..." He turned and left, not looking back. Bella knew this would happen. She knew he would react this way. She had prepared for it. She just didn't imagine it would hurt this much.

Edward slammed his car door shut and locked it, stomping towards his door and ripping it open. He kicked it shut and screamed loudly as he punched the wall. He hit it over and over, kicking and punching, throwing random shit and breaking glass. He was so angry. So upset. So hurt. He couldn't believe Bella was dying. He didn't blame her for not telling him but he couldn't even imagine that it would hurt so much to hear.

He suspected something was wrong, something she was hiding. She quit her job. She had a certain sadness and pain her eyes. Her skin was cold. Her body was thin. Her smile was fading. But she was alive when she was with him. He felt that same way. His heart beat accelerated. His mouth watered. His body shook. His smile was ever lasting. But now...she's leaving him. She's dying. And he's powerless to do anything about it. As Edward slid down the wall, ignoring his bloody and bruised hands, he ran his hands through his hair and rested his arms on his bent knees and cried.

"Bella don't leave me..."

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	10. You Were Never A Friend To Me

**Not mine. :(  
**

* * *

**Ch. 10**

**Therapy, You Were Never a Friend to Me and You Can Keep All Your Misery**

Bella sat in the hospital room waiting for some more test results. She has to constantly go now, get tests done on her, so they can determine how sick she's getting. It's been three days since her dream date turned disaster. Edward hasn't talked to her since. No phone call. No text message. No nothing. She doesn't blame him, if she were him she'd be hurt and upset too. She just wish she had never fallen in love with him. She hurt him.

"Bella, sweetheart, can I come in?" She didn't look up from the ground but nodded her head. Esme, her favorite nurse, walked in and sat next to her. Bella squeezed her eyes shut and bit her bottom lip tightly. She sniffled and contained her sobs. Esme didn't no what to say so instead she just hugged Bella. Bella hugged her back and cried silently into her shoulder.

"Bella I can't say that it's going to be ok but you cannot live the last moments of your life so sad. You need to live. You need to experience as much life as you possibly can because you're going to be gone soon. What happened to that guy you were always talking about?" Esme questioned her. Bella pulled her face away from Esme's shoulder and sniffled, wiping her eyes careful not to smear her makeup and clasped her hands together squeezing.

"I fucked up Esme. I accepted a date with him. But I didn't tell him I was sick until that night. I feel so terrible because we fell in love. We fell in love and now I broke his heart. He isn't talking to me. It's been three days." She replied and sighed quietly. Esme rubbed her shoulder kindly.

"Things will fall into place sweetheart, I promise. That won't be the last time you talk to that young man." Bella didn't respond, all she did was shake her head softly and continue to look at the white, cold floor. She didn't think Edward would ever forgive her...nor could she blame him.

"She's sick?" Emmett asked gently as he sat next to a depressed looking Edward on his living room couch. Edward nodded, not speaking. His eyes were bloodshot, under his eyes were dark circles from lack of sleep, and he hadn't shaved lately so he was stubbly. He didn't care now. Life had no meaning. It would have no meaning when he knew Bella wasn't going to be able to enjoy it. He should join her, they could be like Romeo and Juliet.

"She's going to die?" Emmett couldn't believe it. He had grown to love this girl as a baby sister, she had no one but them and now they were all going to lose her. Emmett felt his own heart break and his mouth dry.

"I don't know what to say Edward...I want to say I'm so sorry but that just doesn't seem to be enough in a situation like this. She's dying and we can't do anything about it." Emmett whispered. Edward was so angry by this statement. Did he have to keep bringing up that she was dying? That she was going to fucking die!

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Emmett was taken back by the anger in his friends tone, he scooted back on the couch as Edward stood up and paced the floor wildly. He was panting and running his fingers through his hair angrily.

"She's not dying. She's not dying. She's not dying. She not going to fucking die. She's not going to fucking die. Oh God. Oh God. Dear God help me please. Help me please..." Edward muttered this all to himself before his voice broke and he fell to the floor in a crying heap again. He pounded the floor angrily as his body shook violently with heavy sobs. He hates this. This isn't fair. How could God possibly take such a sweetheart away from the planet when she's done nothing to deserve it? Emmett rushed over to his best friend, helping him in his time of need.

"Edward calm down, it's ok-"

"IT'S NOT FUCKING OK EMMETT! SHE'S DYING! THE GIRL I HAVE GIVEN MY HEART TO IS DYING AND I CAN'T DO A FUCKING THING TO STOP IT! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO CALM DOWN!" Edward shouted with rage and pushed Emmett off of him. Emmett didn't take the offensive. He just re-wrapped his long arms around Edward's quivering body, even much to Edward's protest, and held him tighter. Edward squirmed and tried to get him to let go but eventually he just got too tired from all the crying and just broke down into Emmett's chest. He squeezed him harder and sobbed.

"Emmett I don't know what to do. I can't lose her. I want to be with her, but I can't watch her die. I love her so much I even fucking contemplated suicide because what's the point of living when she's going to be gone?" Emmett's eyes widened at the mention of suicide. Edward's brother killed himself back in high school and Edward was torn up. He can't be thinking of doing that to himself. He can't lose Edward.

"Please tell me what should I do? I don't want her to die, I can't live without her. How am I supposed to move on when I know she's going to be gone soon?" Edward begged.

"There is a meaning to life, you will use the faith and strength and the knowledge of Bella watching you from up above to move on. She's never going to leave you Edward. Physically she will but emotionally she's going to live forever in your heart and in your memories so you can keep her alive that way. I know it's going to hurt when she's gone but that's why you have us, to help keep you strong." Emmett explained to a crying Edward.

"Why do all the people I care most about leave me!" Emmett didn't know how to respond, he just held Edward tighter.

"Go to her Edward, go to her before it's too late."

Bella pulled up in front of her home and sighed. Another bad trip from the hospital. She's dying. She's accepted this. At first, she wanted to die alone. She wanted people to just forget her so she could fade away in the background like it was always meant to happen. But now...she doesn't want. She has Edward. She has Emmett. She has Jake. She has Jasper. They've become her family. They look out for her. Edward has become her love. Her heart swells for him. She cut the engine of her car before stepping out and locking it behind her. Her eyes widened when she saw who was on her porch.

"Edward?" She whispered in complete shock. He looked up, he looked terrible. His face was scruffy. His eyes were bloodshot. Dark circles surrounded the underside of his eyes. He obviously hadn't slept in days. He had obviously been crying.

"Bella I..." He didn't know what to say. Everything he wanted to say just lost his mind. All he could think about was holding her. So that's exactly what he did. He ran over to her and Bella was caught off guard as he pulled her into a tight hug. But she didn't push him away. She held his neck as he pulled her even closer and he bent down resting his face into the crook of her neck.

"Don't leave me Bella...please don't...you need me now more than ever, just as I need you. We can work through this. We can be together. We can find away. I don't want you to be alone these last couple of months. That's not fair. To either of us. I don't want you to die, I don't think I can handle so much but I want to be with you. I want you to be loved, and I don't want you to die alone. We're all you have and we're sticking with you." Edward's speech made her sob and he pulled her tighter into his chest as she held him tightly and cried. He rubbed her back and kissed her head repeatedly.

"Oh Edward...thank you so much...I love you, please, please don't let go...I don't want you to. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just didn't know how and I just grew so selfish. I wanted you to be mine, I wanted to be loved before I died. You've given that to me. As long as I have you...I know I can leave alright..." Bella held his face now, rubbing under his eyes with her thumb. Her soft skin comforted and soothed him, he shut his eyes and nodded.

"I love you so much already Bella, my love will only grow stronger as you become weaker. I'm fucking hurt and so upset that you're leaving and that you didn't tell me sooner but I don't blame you. I wouldn't of had the courage to. I'm not going anywhere baby...I'm always here..." He bent down and captured her lips within his. She held his face a little tighter, his grip on her lips tightening as he pulled her up slightly to reach him better. Their lips moved in sync together, pushing together and pulling apart. It was filled with so much passion, so much love and trust, Edward and Bella didn't want to let go of each other.

"I'm always going to be with you...I promise."

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**aww they're together again! yay! time for some sweetness but the sadness...it's coming soon. fair warning. i love you guys so much, thanks for all the support! =D keep the reviews coming please**


	11. I'm Flesh and Bone, I'm a Rolling Stone

**Not mine. :(  
**

* * *

**Ch. 11**

**I'm Flesh and Bone, I'm a Rolling Stone, and the Experts Say I'm Delirious**

Bella cuddled in closer to Edward. They had been spending even more time together. Only a month and a half left. A month and a half and she'll be gone. Dead. Edward wants to do everything he can for her before she leaves. He wants her to leave a happy person. He wants her to leave with the knowledge that she didn't spend the last months of her life wasting away, but amongst friends and her loving boyfriend. But he's scared. He's fallen so fast and so hard for her, he's terrified to experience life without this amazing girl.

"Bella I want you to make a list." Edward whispered. She looked up at him, her head had been on his chest. He kissed her forehead as she gave him a confused look.

"I don't understand. What kind of list?" She questioned. Edward smiled, he'd knew she wouldn't figure it out. He pulled her even closer.

"I want you to make a list of all the things you want to do before you're gone. Write them all down and I promise to make them happen. I promise to do everything I can and make sure they're accomplished. I don't want you to leave an un-happy person love." He explained. Bella's heart tore but continued to beat erratically. He's so sweet and she doesn't deserve him. How could she get so lucky? Why couldn't she of met him sooner?

"Oh Edward, you're so sweet, I'm way too lucky." She grabbed his cheek gently and kissed his lips. He smiled into the kiss and pulled away slowly, kissing her nose causing her to giggle. Her laugh made his heart sore, it was adorable and child like. He loved it.

"When do you want me to make the list?" Bella asked.

"As soon as possible." Edward replied casually. She nodded and sat up.

"Can we go somewhere Edward? I don't want to be stuck at home right now." Edward didn't refuse her, he stood up and helped her up, she was growing weaker but she continued on as if nothing was bothering her. But Edward could see the pain in her eyes. He could see her wincing at the slightest movement. When she slept over or he slept over he could hear her grow sicker during the night, puking her guts up and shaking all the time. Bella lost her balance a little feeling slightly woozy. Edward caught her quickly, she had her hands placed on his chest, his hands gripping her waist.

"Are you ok?" He rushed out concerned. She couldn't nod but she gave him a thumbs up before kissing him reassuringly. He placed his hands on either side of her neck, applying more pressure on her lips. Something overtook him. Passion smothered him and he moved his lips in sync with hers. She cuffed his wrists with her hands and Edward's warm tongue licked her bottom lip begging for an entry. She gladly welcomed him, her hands moving to his neck as his slithered down to her bony hips. She ran her fingers through his perfect hair, Bella sighed and Edward smiled into the kiss. He broke suddenly, gasping.

"I'm so sorry, I-I...I don't know what came over me. I just..." Edward stuttered and Bella placed her index finger over his warm lips.

"Shh Edward...it's alright." She kissed him softly before grabbing his hands. He grabbed his keys locking the front door behind them. Instead of driving they walked. Hand-in-hand. The clouds were grey, the sky a dark grey almost black and purple mix.

"Aren't you cold baby?" She asked him noting he wasn't wearing a jacket or hoodie. He shook his head and smiled at her concern.

"I'm alright, this breeze feels nice." She giggled and he continued to walk by her side, looking down at her occasionally and smiling. She was so beautiful, perfection in his eyes. Even though she is sick, even though she is dying, she is so strong. She has such bravery and courage, Edward feels like a pussy in comparison to her. She makes him feel nervous. He will admit the first day they met she intimidated him because she was so quiet.

Standing next to Edward, Bella felt herself grow stronger. Holding his hand, she felt his energy being passed to her. He was so gentle with her. He was so loving towards her. So kind and compassionate, so sweet and considerate. He takes care of her, even though she knows it hurts him and even though she knows it's only going to get worse. As they made it to the park they noticed how empty and barren it was. The swings blew slightly in the breeze, the mental clinking and squeaking.

"Swings?" He asked her. She nodded. They both sat on a swing, still connecting their hands together. She moved slightly, he kept his feet in the sand but swayed as well. Her rubbed her cold hand, her bones beginning to show slightly. Her hand was so small, her fingers short and her skin grew pale. He felt himself tear up and Bella heard him sniffle. She got off the swing and moved towards him as she sat on him. He choked back a sob, burying his face in her neck as his arms wound around her waist. She kissed his head over and over as she ran her fingers through his hair comfortingly. Edward felt so stupid for crying all the time but he couldn't shake off the scared feeling he had. She was leaving soon. And he was going to be alone.

"I'm so sorry, I don't mean to cry all the time now it's just...it's so hard to know that your going to die Bella, and I can't do anything to stop it or to save you. I feel so terrible, even when I'm with you and smiling, that aching never leaves. Please don't let go of me..." Edward begged and Bella shushed him as she held him tighter. He kissed her neck and her shoulders, burying his face in her chest, moving one hand up her dress to rub her jean clad thigh lovingly. She kissed his head.

"I'm so sorry I'm leaving you sweetheart. I feel so bad about it all the time and I'm very scared of dying trust me. I'm terrified but I need you to stay strong ok? I need to know that your going to be ok Edward. I'll always be with you, even when I'm gone I promise you I'll be there. I'll be watching over you, watching you rock the stage and sing your beautiful lyrics. I love you, I always will. Just keep me alive in your heart ok?" She told him. He nodded, feeling a little better after her speil. She kissed him gently before they got off the swing and laid on the grass. Edward wrapped her in his arms and she rested her head on his chest, her arms going around his waist. The night sky blanketed over them, the twinkling stars their only company.

As they laid together, they listened to the sounds of each others breathing, the sound of each others beat hearts. Their love would remain strong. Edward would keep her alive, somehow or another. As he held her close, kissing her and whispering how much he loves her in her ear, he couldn't help but feel hurt. Soon she'd be gone...Bella knew Edward would have trouble moving on but she knew as long as he has Emmett, Jasper and Jake, he'll be ok.


	12. I'll Be Yours Truly Unbelievable

**Not mine. :(  
**

* * *

**Ch. 12**

**I'll Be Yours Truly Unbelievable  
**

"Edward are you alright?" Jake asked a spaced out Edward. He was staring out the window and strumming away at his guitar aimlessly. He couldn't concentrate. He couldn't focus. All that was on his mind was Bella. If she was ok. If she was sleeping. She's all he thinks about now.

"I don't think I will be...not for a long time." Edward whispered softly. He stopped strumming and shut his eyes. His head was pounding and his heart was pounding. His chest pulsated and his throat burned. He sniffled. She is dying. Every day Bella grows weaker. Whenever they go out she loses breath. She feels faint. She's passed out on him a couple of times and it's because she didn't take her required medicine. Jake sighed before sitting next to Edward and wrapping his arm around his best friends shoulder. Jake was so saddened when Edward broke down and told everyone what was happening to Bella. They'd all grown to love her. None were prepared for her to release a final breath.

"I won't say things are gonna be ok because I know that's not what you want to hear but Edward...she wouldn't want you to be like this. Bella is always going to be with you." He replied. Edward rolled his eyes. No one understood what he was going through. No one understood how he felt.

"I wish people would quit saying that to me." Edward stood up and set his guitar down on the couch. Jasper and Emmett focused their attention on him as well from the opposite couch.

"I need air. I need to be alone." He grabbed his keys and phone before leaving through Jake's front door. He wanted to be away from everyone. He needed it. Although he feels so lucky that his friends are so concerned with him he can't help but wish they'd stop trying to make him feel better. Edward is depressed. He knows it. He's happy because Bella is his but for how much longer? Less than a month and a half. Each day her heart grows weaker. Each passing second her lungs cough and constrict, choking her and causing blood to flow from her mouth. Purple and black bruises spread across her skin, her skin grows colder and her eyes fall heavy.

He gets in his car and drives to the secluded area where he took Bella on their first date. It's hidden within in the park. It had a perfect view of the pond and beautiful flowers surround it. The sky was black, purple clouds painted across the wide canvas, twinkling stars sparkles and the white round full moon guided him. He laid back, his head resting on his arms. He was lonely. And he was tired. He closed his eyes and imagined his beautiful girlfriend. The only time she smiled anymore was if she was with Edward or with the guys. Her eyes twinkle with a glint of mischief. Her laugh is contagious. Her grin with the straight white pearls shining, her nose crinkling up when she didn't like something. He loves everything about her. She's perfection. He took his Blackberry out of his front pocket and smile at the background: him and Bella kissing, he took it and they're on the couch and he's sort of on top of her. They both looked happy. He felt himself smile slightly before he decided to call her. The phone rang several times.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Rin-

"Hello?" Edward's heart skipped a beat at the sound of her gentle voice.

"Hey baby, how are you?" She sniffled and coughed some. He was worried.

"I'm alright, I was just taking a nap. I felt so tired after the doctors." Edward frowned and looked up at the sky. His lip trembled and his eyes burned from watery fountains. Don't cry...don't cry...he repeated it to himself over and over.

"Was it ok?" His voice cracked, she sighed, she knew he was upset. Whenever she talks about a doctors visit he gets this way. She wiped her eyes.

"Yeah, they just ran the usual tests, asked me how things were. Ya know...the usual." There was a silence. Neither knew what to say. Both were speechless. Edward was in tears, trying to keep it strong and Bella was so weak, she felt dizzy.

"C-Could you come over? I really don't want to be alone right now Edward." Her begging tone made him sit up instantly and wipe his eyes furiously.

"Yes I'll be right there Bells, don't move. I'll find the spare key, be there as quick as I can," he paused, bit her bottom lip before speaking up in a gentle voice full of concern, "I love you." She choked back a sob, quickly swallowing it on the other end. She didn't get a chance to say it back, he had already hung up. Edward quickly rushed back to his car and sped all the way to her place. She needs him. And he isn't going to make her wait any longer. He locks his car up and quickly runs up to her door searching for the spare key in a frenzy motion. He finds it resting on the very top of the door, he needs to remind her to hide it better, and un-locks it all in one swift motion. He shuts the door behind him and follows the voice of her heavy coughing and gagging.

"Bella I'm here!" He yelled as he entered her room and saw her huddled over the toilet puking and coughing up blood. He rushed over to her and grabbed her around the way, pulling her hair out of her face.

"Shh...shh...it's ok I'm here now. I'm here Bella." Her coughing spasm continued, her whole body was sour. Her ribs cracked with pressure. Her head throbbed. Her body trembled. Her heart palpitated. She felt so embarrassed. So ashamed. When she finally finished her throat was raw with acid and she gasped.

"W-W-Wa..." She continued to cough and Edward quickly realized she meant water. He rested her carefully against the bathtub before rushing downstairs and grabbing a cold water bottle from the fridge.

"Edward...hurry..." She whispered to herself. She breathed in and out heavily, Edward panted as he entered the bathroom once again and cradled her as he steadied her shaky hands around the cold plastic. Her throat craved the cool, refreshing liquid, it soothed her scorching esophagus. He kissed her forehead repeatedly, rubbed her lower back and nuzzled his nose in her neck. She chucked the empty bottle, her hands grasping his head as she tried to regain proper breathing patterns. She felt his head, buried her fingers in his wavy locks.

"What happened Bella?" His voice was sad, he grasped her face gently. She shook her head and shut her eyes tightly. Her lips trembled and her fingers shook as she tried to keep him close to her.

"What did you do? What happened?" His tone became angry right away. He knew she was hiding something because she was refusing to look at him and she was close to tears. Bella didn't want to tell him that she forgot to take her medicine. She was just so tired and she was near the stage of passing out and it just slipped her mind.

"Bella God dammit what the fuck happened to you!" His tone scared her eyes open, his usual warm brown eyes were now a dark brown, almost black. She sniffled and held his face softly in her cold, clammy hands.

"I forgot..." She trembled and Edward raised an eye-brow in confusion before suddenly realizing what she meant. He picked her up and took her into her bedroom setting her down on the bed carefully. She stayed sitting and he paced the room trying to control his anger. He couldn't help it. It angered him that she didn't care. That she wasn't even trying to help herself by taking the medication. Just because she's given up...doesn't mean he has.

"Why the fuck did you forget to take your medicine? What's your excuse this time Bella? I swear it's like you don't even care anymore. You've given up. I love you so much and your physically making me sick by not helping yourself. Bella I don't understand..." He stated. She played with her hands.

"Just because your not the one dying..." His blood boiled.

"JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP BELLA OK! YOU'RE NOT DYING! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FUCKING DIE! YOU'RE GOING TO LIVE AND I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE OF IT!" His outburst had her jumping out of her skin. He shocked her. Was he trying to convince himself that she wasn't dying?

"Edward...I am dying. You know I am. We've been through this...there's nothing they can do. I know your scared. But I'm getting sicker each day, you have to accept this sweetheart...I have..." She replied. He grabbed and ripped at his hair in frustration.

"You're so selfish Bella! You're dying I know you are but I can't accept it! I won't! I just...I can't! It's not fair! You're leaving me! You're going to leave me all alone and I'm going to be miserable without you! No one has ever loved me like you have Bella! You make me feel so alive! And I've fallen so hard for you, I'm begging you...don't leave me..." He fell to his knees breaking down crying. Sob after sob wracked his body shaking his body like a tidal wave. His face was covered by his hands but his screaming and crying was very coherent.

"Edward..." She moved towards him, wobbling as she wrapped her skinny arms around him. He instantly wrapped his around her waist, squeezing her, and burying his face in her neck. She ran her fingers through his hair. He was whispering over and over, begging her not to leave him. She had no idea what to say, so she didn't say anything. She just held him and kissed his head every once in a while telling him how much she loves and adores him.


	13. I'm A Match That's Burning Out

**Not mine. :(  
**

* * *

**Ch. 13**

**When You're Gone I'm A Match That's Burning Out  
**

Edward woke up in Bella's bed but without Bella. His eyes were heavy and his heart hurt like a motherfucker. His nose was burning and his throat was raw. He sat up and all his muscles ached.

"Bella..." His voice cracked and it hurt to speak. He sniffled and looked around in a blurry daze. He couldn't focus on anything. All he knew was he wanted to go back to sleep. Bella was fixing up some soup and grabbing the Nyquil when she heard Edward call for her. Her bones cracked and popped as she walked upstairs and back into her bedroom.

"Edward it's alright I'm just downstairs." She whispered. His eyes opened slowly and he groaned in pain. He had a coughing spasm of his own before she walked over to him, sitting on the bed with him and rubbing his head gently.

"I feel like shit." His voice was hoarse and raspy, it didn't sound like her Edward. She sighed softly and felt his forehead, he was burning up.

"You ought to, you're burning up sweetheart. You must have caught a cold over night. I'm going to go finish making your lunch, then I'll take your temperature, we'll get you some medicine and you can go to sleep." She replied gently. He moaned and held his stomach as he rolled over and rested his face in her stomach. She wanted to cry seeing Edward like this. She had never seen him sick.

"Edward it's ok you're going to be ok alright? I'll be right back, just staying lying down." Bella grabbed a bucket and she placed it by her bedside.

"I won't be long." She kissed his forehead softly before making her way back downstairs. She was finishing up the soup and pouring him the Sprite when she could hear him throwing up.

Edward's stomach turned violently and he leaned over the bed quickly emptying the contents of his stomach out. Some of his hair got some puke on it and he rolled back over onto his side clutching the blankets tighter around his freezing body. He shivered and goose bumps raised all over. Bella placed everything on the tray neatly before walking upstairs carefully and setting it on the bed side table.

"Edward baby come on I need you to eat something before I give you medicine." Bella was trying to reason with him. He rolled over carefully avoiding the twisting knots in his stomach and he rested his head on her chest.

"Ok I made you some soup and crackers." He sat up slowly and rested next to her and she fed him. The soup and crackers soothed his stomach as did the Sprite and he was so grateful to have Bella there to take care of him.

"Guess it's the other way around now huh?" He joked and Bella couldn't help but let out a tiny smile. It's true, Edward is always taking care of her when she's sick, she's just repaying him for the amazing care. He wanted to kiss her but he knew his breath would smell from throwing up so he just settled for her kissing his forehead or cheek.

"You done eating? I can give you your Nyquil now." She stated. He nodded and she grabbed the two tablets and his Sprite before he swallowed the pills down quickly. It eased his mind to think he could rest now. Bella nuzzled her face into his face and kissed his cheek and grabbed a wet wash cloth cleaning the puke out of his hair. She rubbed his back in smooth circles, Edward felt himself falling asleep easily.

"Oh Edward...I'm going to miss you more than life itself. You're so wonderful and you're so strong. I know I can leave you in the good hands of Emmett, Jake and Jasper. I want you to miss me but I don't want you to ruin your life. I want you to be able to move on eventually." She whispered and kissed his forehead lovingly. Bella got off the bed slowly and walked to her small desk. She grabbed four pieces of paper and grabbed a pen.

She wants to write a letter to each of the boys. Ones to leave behind when she's gone. She wants the letters to give comfort. To leave them with her memory. She smiles recalling all the wonderful memories she has with each of them already, even though she hasn't known them that long. Every minute counts. She wants to leave each with a word of wisdom, with a word of advice.

As Bella wrote Edward dreamed about her. He dreamed about her glowing contagious smile. Her beautiful, melodic laugh. Her sparkling milk chocolate orbs. How her nose scrunches up, how adorable she looks. How child like she can be when she really tries. It made him smile in his sleep. When Edward woke up, he felt better. The sleep had helped but his head still hurt and his coughing still burned his sore throat. His nose was sniffly but he felt better in a way. Bella wasn't in the room again but he slowly moved the blanket off himself and he noticed four envelopes on the desk. Emmett. Jake. Jasper. Edward. His eye-brows furrowed in confusion. Each were written in her pretty cursive script.

"Edward don't touch those. Not now. Not yet." Her voice surprised him, he moved away from them and turned towards her.

"What are those for?" He whispered. His eyes watered a little but he sniffled and turned the other way.

"Those are for each of you to read when I'm gone. When the time feels right and you need closure, I want each of you to read them." She explained and walked towards him. He nodded and rubbed his eyes before walking over to her and embracing her in a tight hug. She hugged him back. He buried his face in her hair and she nuzzled her face into his chest.

"I love you so much Bella. I hope you always know that." He said softly. She smiled up at him and rubbed his stubbly cheek.

"I love you Edward, I'll love you forever and I'll always watch over you." He rested his forehead against hers and just held her. He wished he could do this forever...but he knows time is running out.


	14. She Bites Her Lip And Tips Her Bottle

**Not mine. :(  
**

* * *

**Ch. 14**

**She Bites Her Lip and Tips Her Bottle, I Take a Drink 'Cause the Truth is Hard to Swallow**

"Are you excited for tonight?" Emmett asked Bella as she sat on Edward's living room couch nervously. She wasn't nervous to be around the guys or to be in his living room. She was just nervous because they're all going out tonight to some bars and she's never been around any of them when they're drunk. And apparently, they can get really smashed, especially Edward. She's not totally content on taking care of a bunch of drunken idiots, especially when she is so weak.

"Um...kinda." She whispered and twiddled her thumbs. Emmett, Jake and Jasper all shared a concerned glance. They knew she was a little worried about taking care of them, they know how Edward can be.

"Don't worry about it ok? We'll all manage and take care of ourselves, we're not your responsibility. And Edward really isn't even either. He promised to stay in control but who knows how that will turn out." Emmett replied for them all. She played with her necklace and glanced at all of them.

"He is my responsibility because he's my boyfriend and I love him. I don't want to leave any of you just passing out in the streets. None of you can get arrested, please try and behave." Bella begged softly. They all gave her a sympathetic smile.

"We'll try." They all said in unison. Edward finished up his hair before smiling at his relfection. He grabbed his keys and cell phone before walking downstairs. Bella looked beautiful, he couldn't help but swell with pride because of how amazing she is and how lucky he is to be with her.

"Hey guys, ready to go?" He announced as he entered the living room.

"Yeah come on let's go get drunk!" Emmett cheered. The guys all whooped and Bella gave a hesitant smile and Edward walked over to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she placed her hands on his forearms.

"Don't be nervous ok? I promise to behave and if I don't, I give you permission to yell in my face and make all the noise you want when I wake up with the hangover from hell." He smirked. She giggled, he cupped her chin in his hand and leaned down capturing her warm, soft lips within his. Goose bumps raised on her arms and he smiled into the kiss before pulling away.

"Now come on, let's go have fun." Edward said and rubbed her lower back. She nodded and he grabbed her hand before walking out of the house, locking the front door behind him. They walked to Jake's large car and drove towards the closest bar. Bella wasn't going to drink, she stopped drinking when she got sick. It's not good for her. Especially because only minutes before arriving at Edward's, she had taken her medication. She's better about it now after Edward's breakdown. He kept his arm around her the whole car ride, he was laughing and smiling with his friends. Bella looked out the window, feeling very un-easy about tonight.

Three beers, five shots, and one margarita later, Edward Masen was smashed beyond belief. Bella was on his lap and he was balancing her nicely except for the occasional bobbing of his knee which caused her to shake and nearly fall off his lap. They had been in the same bar, actively playing music and drinking, playing pool, no one was as drunk as Edward. Emmett was drunk but not smashed. Jake and Jasper were both tipsy. Bella sipped her cold Coke occasionally.

Edward rubbed his nose along the back of her neck, kissing and nibbling her skin every one and a while. To say it didn't turn her on would be a lie. Bella and Edward had gotten hot and heavy but never made the home run. They always stopped because she felt too sick or too tired after fooling around just a little. Edward didn't mind but to say his needs weren't building up would also be a lie. She's so beautiful and so sexy to him, he wants her. He wants to make love to her.

"Edward stop..." She whispered as his silky tongue ran along her neck, his hands going up her shirt a little to rub her flat stomach. He pressed his thumbs into her hip bones and felt himself get a little too excited for public matters.

"I don't think you want me too Bella..." He trailed off in her ear huskily, his teeth nibbling gently on her lobe, avoiding her cartilage piercing. He gripped her hips and he bounced slowly on his lap, her ass rubbing and grinding against his erection. Edward moaned and sat back, relaxing against the wooden bar as he continued to bounce her. Bella felt herself blushing, this was not the kind of behavior she ever condoned in public. But Edward...he just made her feel so good. She placed her hands on his, Edward's pants became much too tight for comfort.

"Fuck Bella..." He groaned, his head falling against her shoulder. Emmett and Jake smirked as they noticed what was going on. They saw how nervous she looked but that at the same time she really didn't seem to care. Obviously Edward didn't, he was too turned on for words. Edward's alcohol induced mind was clouded with thoughts of lust as he bounced her faster until he felt himself release. He panted against her neck, squeezing her around the waist and holding her tighter on his lap. He squeezed her thighs and turned her to face him better.

"Give me a kiss." She smiled and placed a hand on the back of his head, kissing him warmly. Edward felt butterflies in his drunken tummy, and he kissed her back. Her nibbled her bottom lip and she opened up, kissing him back. Their tongues met and mingled, Bella could taste the alcohol on him. What helped was the fruity margarita he had drank, it made the rest of the tequila and vodka bug her less.

"Hey guys...quit baby making for a sec...and let's...take a shot..." Emmett slurred. Jake slammed his fist down on the bar and ordered up another round of shots. They passed them out and she grabbed her new Coke.

"Ok...dis...goes out ta Bella...and we gonna toast ta...her beautiful life. May she live forever...in our hearts...we'll miss ya dearly..." Emmett toasted. Bella felt her eyes water and the rest of the guys clinked glasses together and with he before pouring the tequila down their throats, the burning liquid raw. She sipped her soda and smiled softly, trying to swallow back her tears. She knows Emmett meant well, but he's drunk so he obviously doesn't know much.

"I think it's time get you guys home." She stated. They all pouted.

"No...no...I don't wanna..." Edward whined. He held onto her as she tried to get off him.

"Edward stop we need to go and get you guys home." They all whined and she grabbed Jake and Jasper first since they weren't as hammered as Edward and Emmett. Those too jumped and ran out before her, tripping along the way and pounding on the glass door.

"We can't go! We can't open the fuckin' door! It won't push! Woosh...whyyyyyy?" Edward scratched his head and Emmett bumped his hip into Edward's sending him on the ground.

"You do it like dis asshole...you rip!" Emmett farted loudly, squatting and sending a tumbling Edward laughing harder and he tried to push the door open harder.

"Bella did you see me baby! Emmett bumped me and I went kersplack right here on the fuckin' floor...I went flying!" Edward cheered. She rolled her eyes. Emmett spits on his hands and pushed harder.

"Dis no good mother fucker...don't know who he messin' with! I can't open dis fuckin' door...I'm Stuperman...God dammit..." Bella shoved him aside and she opened the door herself, Jake and Jasper clinging onto her. She shoved them in the back seat, quickly retreating to Edward and Emmett.

"Come on Super Lamoes you've had too much, time to go home and sleep..." She tried to stay calm but she was getting frustrated. Emmett wrapped his long arms around her legs and Edward used her chest as a pillow as he clung onto her waist tightly.

"Come on Edward and Emmett seriously, move it." They giggled and walked with her, toppling into the car. Edward hit his head on the window along the way, falling to the ground as he held onto the handle.

"Mmm...that was fun...baby?" Bella crouched down and helped her Edward up, he smiled and thanked her by licking her cheek.

"That was a tasty lick...lick lick lick...you taste good Bella..." He kissed her cheek repeatedly over and over, she giggled softly before putting him in the passenger seat. She drove back to Edward's, she figured she'd just let the guys stay over there. Jake and Jasper and Emmett weren't too difficult once they fell out of the car and Army crawled inside the house, doing James Bond rolls and falling asleep in the living room. Edward wrapped one arm around her shoulder and her's went around his waist as she locked Jake's car and went inside. She locked the front door and dragged a smiling Edward upstairs. She shut the door and locked it before pushing him onto the bed.

"Ok Edward I need you to take off your shirt and pants." He giggled and did a little strip tease for her, swaying his hips and touching his chest and cock.

"You know you want me...you wanna lick me...you wanna kiss me...let's sex up now! Edward Anthony Masen's sexy time, all aboard! Free of charge for my sexy girlfriend!" He shouted before falling on the bed passing out. She wrapped him in the blanket, kissing his back and shoulders before climbing in next to him after changing into one of his shirts.

"I love you, Masen." She smiled and rubbed his hair.

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**I updated...hehe! I hope you liked it! There was some sexxxxy time! Next chapter...will be sweet...and have sexual content.**

**Reviews please!**


	15. Just Take Off Your Wings

**Not mine. :(  
**

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**Ch. 15**

**Just Take Off Your Wings, They Could Never Get You Quite As High As I Did  
**

The bright sun shone through the pale curtains of Edward's bedroom. He really should invest in some darker ones. His eyes had trouble opening for the cement blocks on them was causing him to feel sleepier. His head was pounding and his stomach was turning. Fuck, he hates being hungover. He carefully removes his arm from Bella's waist, kisses her cheek lightly, and rolls off the bed, stumbling into his bathroom. He looks through the cabinet quickly, begging for tylenol. He finds him and dry swallows two. And although he thought he could handle the alcohol in his stomach, clearly his liver had other ideas for him for he felt that burning bile move up his throat. He hunched forward and puked in the stomach.

Bella awoke to the sound of Edward heavily puking. She frowned at the sound, he sounded really sick. She rushed over to the bathroom, stumbling into the wall before she reached him. She crouched down and rubbed his back and moved his hair out of face. He felt comforted as her gentle, warm hands roamed and soothed his sore back. Her bare skin touching his caused goose bumps to raise. His head hung low.

"Ok...I think I'm done." He was panting. She nodded and helped him stand up. One look in the toilet made her want to lose whatever was in her stomach so she quickly flushed it away.

"Alright sweetheart brush your teeth, use some mouthwash, take some tylenol if you haven't already and come back to bed." Bella instructed. He smiled and nodded at her before she left. His eyes scanned her backside, she was wearing one of his casual shirts and boy did she look good in his clothes. The shirt barely reached her mid-thigh. He felt his heart beating again so he turned away and began brushing his teeth, scrubbing away any evidence that he had been sick. He swished and swashed some mouth wash before spitting it out. His mouth felt a lot better but his face didn't. He quickly washed it before drying it off and exiting the bathroom. He leaned against the frame as he looked at Bella, she was innocently laying on the bed waiting for him. Memories of last night flooded his brain, that sexual desire re-filled his blood. He had wanted her, and he had wanted her bad. He had never felt that way before.

"Bella?" He asked softly as he crawled on the bed, laying on top of her gently, avoiding putting all his weight on her. He rested on his forearms but he made sure to press their hips together. She gasped slightly from the friction and her eyes shut before she moved her hands to his stubbly cheek.

"Y-Yes Edward?" She whispered. Her heart was pounding and she took deep breaths to fix her up. It wasn't working. Edward made her feel like this. He smiled. He knew the effect he had on her because it was the same one she had on him.

"Time is running out...and I can't have you leave without me proving my love for you. You are beautiful...let me make you feel beautiful. I want to make love to you. We've always gotten close but not enough." Edward prompted. Her eyes widened a little but they slowly fluttered shut as he placed warm butterfly kisses across her smooth neck. His silky tongue glided out and swooped across her collarbone, spelling his name out. Her hands buried themselves in his hair.

"I...Edward...I want you. I want you to make love to me. I don't want to leave without truly knowing what it feels like to give yourself over to passion and to do it with the one you truly love. Help me experience it...please..." He smiled at her plea.

"Whatever you wish sugar. We'll take it slow, I want this to last." His voice was husky in her ear, his hot breath tickling her. He nibbled her ear lobe before gently suckling it into his mouth. She moaned and that made him feel good. Made him feel confident. Only he was allowed to make her feel this good. He released her ear and she grabbed his face bringing his lips down to meet hers. As our warm lips pressed together, more sparks flew. They never go away. Their lips moved in unison together, pulling apart and pushing together. The tips of their tongues brushed and coiled, Edward moved his hands up her shirt. Her flesh was warm for once, he figured it was because she was happy. His fingers tapped her flat stomach lightly.

She wanted him to keep going up. He didn't disappoint. His large, rough, calloused hands cupped her chest and he fondled her carefully, not wishing to cause her pain. Bella moved her leg up, bending her knee and rubbing it against Edward's grey boxer briefs. He moaned as his hard self gladly accepted her fondling as well. They pulled away from the kiss, absolutely breathless. Edward helped her take her shirt off and he kissed her neck sensually, leaving his mark with occasional sucks and love bites. Edward's hands massaged her sides lightly, moved down and gripped her thighs massaging those. She moved her lips to his neck so she could leave her mark. She rubbed the back of his neck, tickling the nape of his neck and nibbling her way along. Edward moaned and begun kissing down her neck, she arched her back as his tongue swirled, one hand moved down to her clothed love button. His thumb rubbed in slow circles, Bella cried out. He stopped and pressed himself against her, chest to chest and he moved his hips against hers, she rubbed back and their clothed private parts rubbed.

"We're getting close." He murmured meaning they're getting close to finally being one. One body. One soul. She used her feet to push his briefs down, he smiled at her forcefulness and he helped her out by pushing the remainder down. His lips kissed down to her stomach, his nose rubbing the soft skin, his teeth nibbling occasionally. Her hands moved to his head again, her fingers playing and twirling her hair. His warm tongue traced patterns before he reached the brim of her white lace smirked before kissing around the line, and hooking his teeth into the sides, slowly bringing them down. His hands trailed down her smooth legs, his tongue lapping and his lips kissing her creamy skin. He tossed her panties to the side and kissed back up her body, his hands landing on her hips.

"Ok baby...this is where it happens. This is where you and I will finally get to know how it feels to truly be with the one you love. We'll be connected always." Edward told her gently. She nodded with a soft smile.

"I want you to be my last." His eyes watered slightly and her thumb captured stray tears.

"Don't be upset Edward...charish this time, bring us to that euphoria we can only reach together." Her voice was quiet and he nodded. He lined himself up with her.

"Are you sure?" He was getting anxious but he wanted to always be sure with her.

"Most definitely." He pushed in slowly, filling her up all the way. Bella gasped, his large girth stretched her out and she felt an immense amount of pressure. The last guy she had been with, which was only the second guy she had ever been with, was not this big at all and she could tell that Edward was going to be the greatest lover she had ever had. He massaged her hips, gave her light kisses repeatedly to try and calm her down.

"It's ok...it's gonna feel better..." He sighed out. She was so tight and she felt so good around him. Bella nodded and he pulled out before pushing back in. After a couple of times of that that pressure subsided and the pleasure returned. Her hands gripped his back, what little nails she had dug into his skin causing him to hiss but feel even more pleasure from the pain. He didn't change his pace, he remained at the slow but deep thrusts.

"I love you so much Bella...you feel amazing..." He whispered to her and kissed her. She smiled into the kiss and held his face.

"I love you too Edward, I'll always love you...God you're making me feel...so good..." Her breath became ragged and his hands moved to her pinning them lightly and he laced their fingers together on either side of her head. He laid on her gently, she rolled her hips against his and he moaned loudly, he urged her to wrap her leg around his waist. When she did he had just pushed back in and that new angle caused a new spot to be hit within her. She moaned loudly and whispered his name, begging him to hit it again.

"Oh God Edward..." She bit her bottom lip and squeezed her eyes shut. he released their hands and she held onto him tightly as one hand held her hip, the other kept him atop of her. Minutes passed as their pleasure continued to course through their veins. It had never felt so good before. When Edward's thrusts became a little sloppy but remained slowly she knew he was close. Their moans sounded throughout the room, bouncing off the walls. Edward's pace quickened and he felt his insides burning and turning, she felt hers tightening up and she continued to tighten around him. He gasped.

"Fuck...fuck...Oh God Bella...I'm gonna c-" They moaned loudly in unison as she tightened around him once more, allowing him to release within her. She milked him for all she was worth and she kissed his face, massaging his lower back as he shook and moaned as he continued to ride out their orgasms. When there was no more he fell and landed next to her, he pulled her into him and used her chest as a pillow and he pulled the comforter over both. She pushed his sweaty hair away from his face before kissing his forehead, and nose and lips.

"It's never felt like that before." He mumbled sleepily.

"It's never felt that good for me either." Bella replied gently. He moved closer to her and cupped the side of her neck, kissing her again. She smiled into the kiss and he pulled away slowly, kissing her nose.

"I love you a million blue cupcakes." He told her, pressing her forehead to his giggling. She giggled too.

"I love you a million Cups of Noodles." She told him. They both laughed and kissed again and he pulled her closer as he buried his face in her neck and she cradled his head with one hand and the other played with his hair.

This was right...

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**haha guess what! they had SEX! finally...but sadly there are only five chapters left and they're all gonna be sad from here. i have the new story lined up after this one too. =] btw, i got the "i love you a million..." from What a Girl Wants only i changed the food they loved.**

**Reviews please!**


	16. My Lungs Gave Out As I Faced The Crowd

**Not mine. :(  
**

* * *

**Ch. 16**

**My Lungs Gave Out, as I Faced the Crowd**

Edward held Bella's hand gently as they walked up the porch to Emmett's house. It was a movie night and everyone just wanted to hang out and be together. Edward smiled at Bella, he wrapped his arm around her while still holding her hand. She smiled back weakly and he kissed the top of her head. She hadn't told Edward that she was feeling really bad today. She could barely get out of bed, let alone move around and function properly. Her back was sore, her bones ached, her head pounded, her heart was skipping beats and not in the good way, her coughing was worse...she knew what was coming. It's just too bad Edward didn't.

Edward rang the doorbell and Emmett greeted them with smiles.

"Hey you two come inside!" He greeted cheerfully. He hugged Edward and Edward walked forward and when Emmett turned to Bella, the smile vanished. He saw how decrepit she looked. She could barely smile and she seemed paler than usual today. Edward was acting oblivious. Truth it, he had been watching the time. Hers was coming to a closer. But he didn't want to admit it, he kept acting like nothing was wrong.

"Bella?" Emmett whispered feeling his own eyes tear up.

"Hey Emmett." Her tone was soft spoken, he barely heard her. He gently pulled her into his skinny arms, he held her for a while and kissed her head.

"If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask." He muttered in her ear before he shut the front door and gently led her into the living room. Edward was laughing and smiling with Jake and Jasper. She sighed happily, if only he would stay like this when I'm gone. Bella didn't want to look down on him from her spot in the clouds and see how upset he was. She can't handle that. Jake and Jasper turned to Bella, they're eyes also widened a bit. Bella knew she looked like shit but she wasn't expecting this reaction. Her sweat pants and hoodie swallowed her, her tired eyes trying to stay open, her dry mouth twisting into the sluggish smile.

"Hey Bella." Jake waved at her and tried to smile but he couldn't find himself being able to contort those muscles. She waved back. Jasper was going to give her a hug but he feared breaking her bones. He gave her a wave too.

"So what movie first? I think Peter Pan, but that's just me." Edward asked. He was trying to distract himself, trying to keep himself busy. Everyone just let Edward pick what he wanted. Bella wobbled over to the couch, she laid down gripping her head and Edward wrapped his arms around her carefully. He was trying to calm him breathing down. He knew she didn't feel good...but he couldn't accept it.

While the guys tried to enjoy the movie, fakely laughing and cracking jokes, Bella continued to feel weaker. Her eyes were shutting for longer periods of time now. Her throat was burning. Her ears were ringing. She sat up slowly and her limp arms attempted to push Edward's stronger arms off her waist.

"Edward...please let go...I-I need to go to the...bathroom..." She had to take big gulps of breath in-between words. Edward's thick eye-brows furrowed with confusion.

"Let me help you there then-"

"No no I got it. Please..." He didn't want to let her go but he didn't want to make her angry. He released her slowly, she held his cheek and bent down and kissed his lips gently before wobbling towards the bathroom. She shut the door behind her, thank God it was downstairs and close to the living room. She would have had to crawl the rest of the way, her legs were too shaky. She held the sink, the cool porcelin chilling her bony fingers. She looked like a walking skeleton. She already looked dead. Dark circles found the underside of her eyes and not because of her eye-liner, her cheeks were hollow and her face just looked sunken in. Her skin was paler, her bones were beginning to show and her skin was glistening with a cold sweat.

"Edward you should go check on her." Emmett stated.

"Yeah your right I'm getting worried." Edward stood up slowly and walked over to the bathroom. He knocked lightly.

"Baby are you ok?" He said through the door. Bella startled by his voice coming from nowhere, hit her head on the towel rack. She gasped as the room began to spin. As her brain went in a frenzy, the world became topsy turvey. She started panting and she gripped her head, no blood, but it hurt. Her eyes wanted to close and only seconds later they got their wish.

"Edward..." She whispered before falling back, landing on the floor with a crash.

"Hey! Bella! Open up! Are you ok!" He pounded on the door. He jiggled the doorknob but it didn't budge, Edward started panicking. She wasn't answering him.

"Emmett! Emmett! She locked the door and I can't get in! Please!" He screamed. Emmett and Jake and Jasper all ran over, Emmett quickly jimmied the lock and it opened up, they all gasped when they saw Bella on the ground not breathing.

"Bella! Oh God! Bella!" Edward was hysterical as he bent down and cradled her solid body. She wasn't moving, she was barely breathing. Tears flooded his eyes, they began to fall in rivers down his cheeks instantly.

"Oh God baby please wake up! Please! I'm begging you! Don't leave me yet! It's not your time! You still have two weeks! Oh fuck...Oh Jesus Christ call a fucking ambulance! Someone call a God damned ambulance before I rip your fucking head off!" Edward's tone wasn't angry, it was sad and desperate and unwillingly shaking as sobs wracked his body. Jake grabbed his cell phone from his pocket and quickly dialed.

"911 what's your emergency?"

"We have a girl passed out! She's barely breathing, she has cancer and she needs to go to the hospital now!"

"Alright sir I need you to calm down, what's the address?" Jake's brain went crazy as he tried to remember Emmett's address. He couldn't under so much pressure.

"IT'S 3321 OAKS BLVD!" Jasper stepped in thank God as Emmett bent down trying to help Edward with Bella. Edward's heart was about to explode, he couldn't stop crying or screaming for help. She looked so helpless, she looked so lifeless.

"I'm so sorry Bella! This is my fault! i should have come in here with you! I'm so sorry, oh God I'm so sorry please forgive me! Please don't go...I need you so bad, please don't leave me...I can't live without you, please don't go!" Edward pleaded with her almost lifeless body. She couldn't hear him and she couldn't speak. In Bella's mind, all she saw was black, lots of black and she was just walking through it mindlessly. The ambulance arrived three minutes later and they loaded Bella up onto the gurney and put an oxygen mask on her.

"Let me go with her! Only me! Please!" Edward begged.

"Alright but only you!" He said and the guys told them they'd meet Edward at the hospital. Edward jumped in and they begun doing CPR on her. Her back arched, her body bounced Edward hd to shut his eyes. It was too much to witness.

"We have her stabalized!"

"Give her more oxygen God dammit!"

Edward watched as she was fixed up, he held her hand weakly, he squeezed it to see if she could react. She never did. Upon arrival at the hospital she was taken into the ICU and Edward fell to his knees. He didn't care that people were staring as he sobbed and hit the floor and pulled his hair. He didn't care that he was being a disturbance. All he cared about was seeing Bella awake...for one last time...

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**Oh fuckkkk I'm sorry but this is where the sadness really begins. Tissues at hand please, I know I'll be crying with you guys. That was really hard to write, especially cause I can picture Edward so well in my mind. FOUR chapters left, leave me reviews.**


	17. Therapy, You Were Never a Friend to Me

**Not mine. :(  
**

* * *

**Ch. 18**

**Therapy, You Were Never a Friend to Me,You Can Take Back Your Misery**

Edward rocked back and forth on his knees biting his lip and running his fingers through his hair. He looked like a fucking tweaker with the way he kept glancing around nervously and anxiously and with his rocking motion. Emmett, Jake and Jasper were all trying to calm him down but there was no use. Edward was in his own world. He was annoying and pestering the nurses that were taking care of Bella every five minutes. He had been threatened to get kicked out, he promised to behave.

"Edward man?" Emmett asked softly placing his hand on Edward's shoulder in a comforting manner. Edward ignored him, his eyes were bloodshot and blurry, his teeth chattered as he shivered from wracks of sobs and the cold temperature in the hospital. He hates hospitals. The sterile rooms. The smell. The people. He hates the sound of a heart monitor. He hates when a nurse attempts to comfort you when you have a friend or family member dying. He hates the cold temperature, it's as if death was welcoming any inside. Memories flooded his brain as he remembered being in this very hospital exactly six years ago when his brother killed himself. He remembers the faces of all the sad patients and their families. He remembers the squeaky clean floors. He remembers the silence. And he hates it.

Emmett feared the worst with that once glance at Edward. Edward's left eye was squinted and his other was heavy, falling every now and then. He looked like he was panting meaning he was clearly having trouble breathing. Edward gets panic attacks in hospitals after his breakdown six years ago. He was re-living it all. It was clear on his pained face. Jake and Jasper frowned as they looked at their best friend. They felt so helpless. None could say they knew how he felt. They couldn't do it six years ago and they couldn't do it now. They don't know how it feels to love someone so much and to have them ripped away from you by the jaws of death. They don't understand the searing heart break that scorches you, burns into your memory forever. Edward remembers looking at his brother in the hospital bed. The white sheet had been pulled over his frail body, his face was blank and his skin was freezing. He remembers the smell: sterile hand sanatizer and blood.

Edward blinked repeatedly. He was scared shitless. He wasn't ready to let her go. He and Bella had had so many great times together in the past three months. He shut his eyes trying to imagine her glowing smile. He perked his ears up in attempt to capture her melodic laugh. Her brought his hands together lacing his fingers together trying to remember what it felt like to hold her hand. His felt empty, felt not at home without hers in there. He had grown so accustomed to everything about her. He kept his eyes closed trying to remember one of the many good memories he would keep in storage forever.

_Edward watched Bella as she faced the lake, crouched down in position. Her Nikon 5000 in hand, she set up the frame before snapping the shot. The bluish green lake water was clear and sparkling form the reflection of the lake. The wooden dock with a boat harbored at it sat to the left of the shot making it the perfect kodak moment. She smiled to herself, Edward was getting her back into something she loved. Taking pictures. She turned to Edward happily._

_"Baby I got it!" She exclaimed. He smiled seeing her smile, it had been so long since she had used her genuine one._

_"Really? Can I see it?" He asked. Bella bounded over to him, crashing down next to him and showing him the picture on the screen. He was amazing, she was a true artist. He nodded in satisfaction and kissed her cheek._

_"It's amazing baby." He whispered in his ear, his warm breath tickling her neck and cheek. She giggled again, she felt down right giddy. It was a new sensation for her, one she hadn't felt in so long. She closed her eyes contently, just inhaling the wonderful scent of the outdoors. Grass, Edward's cologne due to his closeness, the flowers growing around them. She felt warm butterfly kisses attach to her neck and face, she smiled wider before fluttering her eyes open and looking into those honey orbs she had grown to love like mad. She cupped his smooth cheek in her hand, rubbing her thumb across his bottom lip._

_"I love you Masen." She whispered._

_"I love you too." He smiled. They kissed softly. Sparks. Butterflies. Tingles. Both experienced a special euphoric feeling whenever any part of their body touched or connected with the other. It was a weird feeling to describe, words wouldn't be able to explain it. So instead, a stilled photograph can. Bella outstretched her arm angling the camera to face them perfectly. The sun was hitting them both in just the right way to expose brightness but not cast a glare or shadow. He cupped one of her cheeks and she placed one on his neck before he re-connected their lips. The click of the camera and flash made them open their eyes before pulling away slowly. Their little moment had been captured forever. Edward would hold it close to his heart when she's gone._

"Are you the family of a miss Bella Swan?" The nurse asked quietly. Edward snapped out of his memory and they all stood up, Edward rushed over first.

"Yes yes we are! Is she ok!" Edward wanted to ask a million questions a minute but his brain told him to keep quiet so he couldn't get kicked out. The nurse sighed, Jake read her name tag, Esme. She had been spoken of before. All the guys knew her but none had ever met her. Not even Edward. He never wanted to go to the doctor visits fearing they would depress him. Esme sighed.

"She's dying..."

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**That was sad to write and it's only gonna get harder and sadder. Chapter twenty will be the epilogue just so ya know. I have big plans for the next story and I definitely want to finish this one off as best I can. You guys deserve that. =] REVIEW!**


	18. Love Yourself So No One Has To

**Not mine. :(  
**

* * *

**Ch. 18**

**Arrogant Boy, Love Yourself So No One Has To**

Edward's world fell apart. It came crashing down as his eyes re-flooded with tears. Emmett, Jake and Jasper's own eyes filled with tears. Emmett inhaled slowly, Edward's breath got caught in his throat as he looked at the ground.

"W-What?" He stuttered. Esme felt so sorry for them all but she felt more sorry for Edward. Bella had talked about Edward ever since the first day she met him. Bella was always happy when she described his sweetness or how he's so good looking but how silly and spazzy he can be.

"She doesn't have much time left. Time seemed to run out sooner then expected. She has a week." Esme didn't want to say that, she wanted to lie because Bella was like a daughter to Bella, she had grown to love her. All the guys gasped, Edward fell to his knees having another breakdown. No matter how hard he tried tears just continued to flow from his eyes.

"Please no! Your lying! Shut the fuck up and tell me that she is going to be ok! Don't fucking lie! Please! Please I am begging you!" Edward pleaded. Emmett bent down and hugged Edward tightly, Edward buried his face in his best friend's shirt and clung onto him tightly as he sobbed. Jake thanked her gently before bending down with Jasper. They all did a group hug. Esme didn't leave. She witnessed their full on breakdown. Each of them were crying, Edward was sobbing and whispered "Please" over and over.

"You guys can see her. She might wake up soon. She's not in a coma." Esme told them before walking away. She covered her own mouth to cover up a building up sob.

"Edward come on let's go see her. She'll want to see you. Please get up." Emmett begged. Edward wiped at his eyes furiously before wiping Emmett's tears away with his thumbs. He nodded and Emmett helped him up, stabling him by wrapping his arm around Edward's shoulders. He wrapped his own arm around Emmett's skinny waist. Jake and Jasper followed behind in silence still trying to calm their tears down. When they reached her room Edward stopped. He couldn't move. He couldn't contact his muscles. He couldn't tell his brain to keep walking forward. It was a scary sight. She had all these wires hooked up to her arms. Clear blue tubes ran on the inside of her nose to give her oxygen. She looked dead. Her eyes were closed, her head was tilted to the side, she looked peaceful for some reason.

"I-I-I can't. I can't see her like this. Please Emmett, make it all better." Edward stated as he buried his face back into Emmett's shoulder and neck. Emmett sighed before hugging Edward back. He nodded for Jake and Jasper to go inside and see her. They did as told.

"Ed you have to go inside. Bella would want you to see her. You have to say goodbye, I know you don't want to but at least be here for her the last week she's still alive. You have to go in there. Look," he paused and turned Edward's body to see Jake and Jasper in there sitting on one side of her bed and stoking her arm or hand lightly, "they're seeing her. And she would want you and me in there. Please go." Edward shook his head.

"I don't want to see her like that when I know it's because she's fucking dying! I can't relive this shit again Emmett! It hurts too fucking much!" Edward pushed Emmett away before running down the hall. He turned the corner and panted as he slid down the wall bringing his knees to his chest again. He held his head as he bit his bottom lip.

"Fuck." He muttered to himself. He couldn't see her, not now anyways. Not while she lies there lifeless.

Emmett sighed heavily figuring he needed some alone time to get his shit together. He walked inside and sat on the other side of Bella. He leaned over and kissed her forehead lightly. Her skin was freezing. She held her small, limp hand in his own large, warm one. He stroked with his thumb and felt his tears come back. This was his little sister. He had grown to love her as one. He couldn't believe she was about to die.

"Where's Edward?" Jake croaked. His and Jasper's eyes were red, Jasper looked pissed off and he knew it was because he couldn't cope with her dying.

"Outside in the hall. He needs alone time." They nodded and continued to stay with her. They couldn't leave her all by herself. Besides, Edward would come around eventually. He would. Before it's too late.

Edward was slowly falling asleep. His eyes were heavy from all the crying and his body felt weak. He didn't realize feet had stopped in front of him. He looked up and saw an old lady with an IV attached to her by a walking pole.

"Young man what are you doing sitting here in the hall? Don't you have a loved one you could be visiting?" She questioned. He nodded before rubbing his hand down his tired face.

"She's dying, and I am in love with her. I can't do anything to save her. She's leaving for eternity in a week. I don't know what to do." Edward whispered. The old lady looked at him before urging him to stand up. He stood up shakily, his knees wobbling beneath him. He grabbed the wall.

"Take a walk with me." She demanded. He didn't feel like arguing or causing a scene so he did as she said.

"Now tell me about this young lady." Edward stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Well her name is Bella, she's twenty and she's going to die of cancer. She's the love of my life. I met her three months ago and to be completely honest in my entire twenty one years of life, they were the happiest three months of my life. She's absolutely beautiful. Milk chocolate eyes, absolutely breathtaking smile, her laugh is so melodic and she is adorable. She makes me feel so happy, and I really don't know what I'm going to do without her." Edward explained. The old lady smiled, he really was in love.

"Sounds like a match made in heaven. Now I realize she's dying and you feel powerless. Why is that? Bad memories? Bad experiences?" It was like this fucking old lady could read minds. He was shocked how she got it straight on the spot.

"Both really. My brother committed suicide six years ago and he was taken to this very hospital so we could see his body as they fixed it up before going to the morgue. I remember the smell of this hospital, the freezing temperature, the sound of the heart monitors, the feeling of death. No hope is here. I don't feel any. I'm once again losing someone special to me, someone I love dearly. I feel so unlucky, I feel like I'm being punished. God always takes these special people away from me, it's like I'm meant to be unhappy." Edward replied. She tasked under tongue.

"No no son, God's plan is the way of life. It may seem that the unfortunate events of losing people you love the most is unlucky but it's not true. Those two just didn't have any more life in them. Your brother, that was in his hands. God creates life yes and he sets up when it's taken from them. He doesn't do it to be hateful, he loves all his children. It's just how the pan worked out. Bella is very young obviously, she didn't really get a chance to live but of what life she did, she helped so many people. She was put on this earth for a purpose, just like the you and me. Her time is up but no one will ever forget her. If you keep her memory alive, if you hold her close to your heart, she will never leave you."

Edward and the old lady finished off at the end of the hall before they were to part. He thanked her for the advice and wise words.

"It's what I'm here for son. Now go see her." He nodded and thanked her before leaving. He stopped by the gift shop, bought a bouquet of her favorite flowers: white roses. He went back up to her floor, Jake and Jasper were passed out in the uncomfortable chairs. Emmett was nowhere to be seen. He figured Emmett was just buying some coffee. Edward placed the roses in an empty vase, filling it with water and putting it back on a table. He took a deep breath before stepping forward.

Bella still looked the same. He felt his heart break. He grabbed her hand gently before bending over and kissing her cold lips. He wanted her to kiss back but he knew she wouldn't.

"I love you Bella." He whispered and took Emmett's empty seat. He kissed each of her finger tips, rubbed her hand being mindful of the IV of course, to help warm them up. He squeezed her hand upon occasion to see if she would do it back. She never did. Emmett paused in the doorway smiling as he saw Edward.

"I knew you'd come around." Emmett whispered. Edward turned to look at his best friend before nodding.

"I had some wise words spoken to me." Edward responded before Emmett pulled up another chair and sipped his coffee. He watched Edward. Edward was so sweet to her. Always rubbing her hand, kissing it sometimes, whispering an "I love you" to her. It was an incredible sight. And that's how they spent the entire night. Wrapped up in moonlight and each others company, they watched Bella with ease and tired eyes but most of all...with worn hearts.

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**Oh man oh man! Two chapters left! I kinda wanna finish this today, but I'll probably post the epilogue tomorrow and the next chapter later today.**


	19. Dead Like a Candle You Burned Out

**Not mine. :(  
**

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**Ch. 19**

**Dead - Like a Candle You Burned Out**

_Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams,_  
_waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."_

_Forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around_  
_it's like a piece of me is missing._

It's been six days, almost seven. Bella has woken up, but she's just as lifeless. She's trying to keep a brave face but she knows her time is coming to a stand still. She's been trying to distract the guys from the idea of her dying but they all know. Edward has been the worse. He's been trying to stay strong after his inspirational talk with that old lady but he can't help but feel worse every day. Each day becomes a step closer to her death day. Right now...Bella feels horrible. Her eyes are heavy and having trouble staying open. She can't breathe well so she's on oxygen.

"He's still asleep?" Jake asked Bella as he popped his head inside. She nodded smiling down at Edward weakly. His head was resting on her stomach and his hand was holding hers tightly in his hand. This is the spot he's been in all week. He hasn't moved except to go to the bathroom. Emmett had to force him to eat and sleep. She brushed his bangs away from his forehead, tickling his warm skin. She was going to miss this. Watching Edward sleep is absolutely amazing. His face is so calm when he's asleep, it's the only time he ever relaxes. His mouth, slightly ajar, expels light snores every few seconds. His breathing is soft, his eye-lashes are long and cast shadows. She runs her fingers through his hair and bends down and softly kisses his head.

"Are you alright Bella? Do you need anything?" Jake asked her. She shook her head. Her eyes began to water and she sniffled before smiling weakly. Jake gave her a sad smile, his own eyes watering.

"I don't want you to go." Jake whispered. Bella frowned and wiped her eyes carefully.

"I don't want to go either. I don't want to leave you guys." She replied gently. He wiped at his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose trying to calm down. She only has so much time left. Emmett walks in with Jasper, they both frowned at the sight of Bella. She was hiding her face in her hands as she tried to swallow down her sobs. She's going to miss this all so much.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so upset." She apologized wiping at her eyes. Emmett approached her first.

"Oh babygirl please don't apologize, you have done nothing wrong." Emmett hugged her and she hugged him back. She had let go of Edward's hand to properly embrace him. She started crying into his neck and he hugged her back feeling his own tears stream.

"I'm going to miss you so much Bella. I've grown to love you like a little sister, you are wonderful and you've given my life meaning. You've changed and impacted it in the past three months more than anyone ever could in my entire lifetime. I'm so sorry you have to go...I'm so sorry...I don't want you to go...I love you..." Emmett told her. She started sobbing and she buried her fingers in his dark hair, she started pressing kisses to his cheeks and he squeezed his eyes shut as he kissed her head.

"Emmy I'm going to miss you so incredibly much. You're such a wonderful person, you're so amazing and I feel so lucky to have met you and gotten to know you. Thank you for making my life happier, you put some sunshine into it. I love you too, please don't forget me." She whispered.

"Never." She pecked his lips lovingly and patted his cheek before she ushered Jake over. Emmett moved aside and rubbed Edward's shoulder, he was still asleep. He knew Edward would be the last to go. Jake wrapped his arms around her as he sat on the bed next to her right where Emmett had just been. She squeezed him back as hard as she could, she felt like a feather.

"You've made such an impact on my life Bella. You've taught me to live life like every day is your last. You've taught me not to run away from my problems but to face them head on. I'm going to miss you so much it hurts, I already feel like you're gone. I'll never ever forget you. I love you." Jake stated. She smiled while wiping her eye.

"I'm glad I could help you. You are by far the best cuddly teddy bear on this planet Jakey. You are a great person to go to for comfort or a word of advice. I'm going to miss you but I promise to watch over you. I promise to watch over all of you. When you miss me most, close your eyes and hear the wind whispering in your ear. Feel the sun kissing your nose. I love you too." She said. She waved Jasper over, he looked angry and sad all at once.

"Jazz?" She asked. He shook his head and wrapped his arms tightly around her burying his face in her neck.

"Please don't leave me..." His tone was soft and pleading. She started crying harder, her voice caught in her throat.

"I don't want to Jazzy, I promise you that. But I have to...it's my time. God has different plans for me. I'll never forget you and I never want you to forget me. When you miss me, just remember all the good times you and I had. I love you." Jasper started crying harder too and he wiped his tears with the help of her.

"I love you too Bells, you're absolutely amazing and I could never forget you. You were the only person who did early morning runs with me. You brightened my day up, you're so loving and compassionate I'm just going to miss you like crazy." She pecked his lips and Jake leaned down and she held his chin as she pecked his lips too.

"Wake Edward up." Emmett told her. They moved to the back of the room and she gently stroked his hair.

"Edward...Edward...I need you to wake up baby..." She said quietly. Edward's dream ended as soon as he heard her calling his name. His tired eyes fluttered open, heavy weights pushing them closed again but he fought them. He rubbed them before sitting up. He looked around the room confused until he saw all the guys huddled up, Jasper was crying into Emmett's chest and Jake was frowning. Edward's eyes widened and he turned back to a tired looking Bella.

"No...no...NO! Bella no! You can't leave! It's not time! Please! I'm going to be so lost without you, I can't bear it please don't leave me! Please I love you so much, I'll do anything to make you stay, please..." Edward yelled as he clung onto her tightly. She started crying while Edward sobbed. He held her tightly and she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Edward I don't want to leave but I have to. It's my time to go I really am so sorry. But you have to listen to me ok? Listen." Bella instructed. He shook his head no pressing kisses into her neck and collar bone.

"Please Bella, all I want to hear is that this isn't real and that you're going to live. Please..." He begged and cried harder. Bella sighed sadly and sniffled.

"Edward I love you so much. You've given me life. When I first met you, things just fell into place. You never gave up hope that we could be together. That we could make it work. I can never express my gratitude enough, you saved me. You helped me when I was at my worst, you brought good memories into my life, I will never forge the moments we shared baby. I'm going to miss you so much but I need you to accept this. It's almost time, I'm growing weaker by the second and I need to die. I know you don't want to accept it but you have to." She explained.

"I love you so much too Bella. God I love you so fucking much, I fell so hard and so fast for you. You are by far the bravest, most spectacular person I have ever met and I feel so blessed so have met you. You're who I've wanted to be with my whole life and I don't want you to leave. Please...I don't know how I can go on without you. Take me with you. Please..." He begged. She kissed his forehead.

"Baby when you miss me most, look at old photos, close your eyes and think about your happiest memory with me. I'll always be with you, I'll always be watching over you. All of you. Just look inside your heart, I'll be there I promise. Keep me alive in your heart. All of you do that when you miss me the most. Ok? Do that for me? Don't burden yourself with this." She told him holding his face. He nodded.

"I will I promise. God I love you so much, please just hold me..." He whispered. He leaned in and kissed her. She kissed him back, both of their tears mixing and basically drowning each other. She moved her lips with his and his tongue mingled with hers. They kissed passionately for a couple of minutes before Bella had to pull away. She was gasping for air and she squeezed his hand. The guys all surrounded her. She smiled at them all.

"I love you guys so much. Thank you for everything." Her voice was hoarse and weak.

"We love you too." They said softly. Edward leaned in and kissed her again. Bella squeezed his hands until her pulse became low. Her heart monitor began to beep slowly, Edward continued to press kisses on her lips and face, he couldn't let her go. She closed her eyes slowly, smiled softly and trying to take in another breath but failing.

"Goodbye..." Her voice was barely heard.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. .

As the heart monitor timed out Edward collapsed and hugged her tightly.

"Oh God I miss you so much already Bella...I can never forget you...sing with the angels baby...I love you forever and always." He kissed her cold lips, kissed her forehead before breaking down and Emmett caught him. They all did a group hug and they sobbed together.

Their lives had forever been changed. Their hearts were connected forever with one beautiful girls.

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**Omg...she died. no joke, while I was writing this my eyes kept watering, it was getting hard to type cause it all blurry. That was hard to write. I really hope you guys have enjoyed this journey with me. There's one chapter left, it'll be the epilogue and four months after her death. **

** Reviews and it'll be up tonight with the new story. =]**


	20. Make It A Sweet, Sweet Goodbye

**Not mine. :(  
**

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**Ch. 20-Epilogue**

**Make it a Sweet, Sweet Goodbye**

Four months. Four long...grueling...lonely months. Four months since Bella Swan died. Four months since she was unfairly taken from this world. The guys have been coping as best they can. She requested to be cremated and to have her ashes spread into the ocean water. That's what they did. However they did get a plaque at a cemetery.

_Isabella Marie Swan. A true spirit who's blessed us all with that gorgeous smile. We hope you're walking with the angels, because you'll walk and live forever in our hearts. We love and miss you. September 13, 1990-February 27th, 2010_

Edward hasn't been able to move on in the way she probably wishes. He hasn't met any girl like her. He doesn't want to even think about being with another girl at the moment. All he thinks about is Bella. She remains with him always. He's kept her alive in his heart and in his memories, it still hurts though. He misses her more and more every day. He grew so accustomed to seeing her so much. He took for granted waking up to her every morning and kissing her softly. He misses everything about that girl.

As Edward approaches the beach he sighs quietly to himself. He walks to the exact spot where he spread her ashes. Where he let the ocean carry them away. He comes here for closure. He comes here when he feels alone. He remembers that she told him to just imagine her when he feels most alone. He knows he's not alone. He knows she's always there. When the sun shines, he knows she's smiling down on him. When the breeze tickles his shirt of kisses his skin, he knows it's her playing with him. He smiles at the thought. As the waves crash together he crosses his legs and grabs a stray stick beginning to draw a very familiar symbol. A heart. He begins to write the three words he's spoken to her every night before he goes to bed. As the sun sets, he knows she's saying goodnight. As the stars begin to twinkle, he knows she's sparkling up there, watching over him.

"I miss you Bella." He whispered to himself. He sets the stick down and stares out in the sunset. The clear water sparkles with the reflection. The slight ocean breeze picks up and tickles the back of his neck, he can almost hear her whisper back.

_"I miss you too Edward."_ He smiles to himself knowing there wasn't a breeze today. She is in fact with him. And for once...he doesn't feel so terrible. He feels more at peace than he has in a very long time. He blows a kiss out to the water and waves before standing up and slowly walking away.

_Ain't no sunshine when she's gone_  
_ It's not warm when she's away_  
_ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone_  
_ And she always gone too long anytime she goes away_

_ Wonder this time where she's gone_  
_ Wonder if she's gone to stay_  
_ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone_  
_ And this house just ain't no home_  
_ Anytime she goes away_

_ And I know, I know, I know, I know_  
_ I know, I know, I know, I know_  
_ I know, I know, I know, I know_  
_ I know, I know, I know, I know_  
_ I know, I know, I know, I know_  
_ I know, I know, I know, I know_  
_ I know, I know_

_ Hey I'll leave the young thing alone_  
_ But ain't no sunshine when she's gone_  
_ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone_  
_ Only darkness everyday_

_ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone_  
_ And this house just ain't no home_  
_ Anytime she goes away_  
_ Anytime she goes away_  
_ Anytime she goes away_  
_ Anytime she goes away_

_

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_

**So I tried to leave it off an a happier more hopeful note. I really am so proud of this story and I want to thank you guys so much for giving me the opportunity to share it with you. **

**The new story is up. It's called _Just Put Your Hands On Me_. Go check it out.**


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